October 23rd…

Dates can be significant for good reasons, sad reasons and everything in between…

There’s a song by a favorite singer of ours called February 20th. It’s about the day the singers daughter asked Jesus to live in her heart. Three months later his little girl would be killed in a tragic accident caused by his own son. When I heard the news I left school early and went home to hug my little daughter who was 5 at the time. My daughter, like his, was adopted from China. The singer Steven Curtis Chapman had a small role in why we adopted from China and so I was so very sad for him and his family. It was a sad day, May 21st, 2008.

About a year later the artist released an album called, Beauty Will Rise. Early on I wondered if this loss would crush him and his family or if we’d even ever hear him sing again. The album answered that question. One of the songs is called Beauty will Rise, a lyric “out of these ashes Beauty will Rise.” The whole album spoke to me, helped me and it still does.

October 23rd, 2003, 20 years ago on this day, we lost our baby girl. Her name was Lauren Rose Penland. October is a hard month, so is September now, but October has always been an especially difficult month. Twenty years is a long time and at the same time not. The sadness is still there. The memories, terrible and vivid. It’s not a place to dwell for long, it’s a sad place, a dark place, a place void of hope or happiness, just dark. October 23rd, all the things I had planned were gone, just gone. No milestones, no graduations, holidays, no dancing with her Dad at her wedding, all gone, no hugs or kisses, an empty room, quiet, the door stayed closed for awhile.

I couldn’t sleep last night, some years are easier than others, this year not so easy. I see our daughter, her sister, celebrating all the milestones, navigating high school, sports, choir, driving, and I can’t help but wonder and wish that her sister was here to help her through these teenage years, or maybe they would be at odds, who knows? I’ll never know and that’s the hard part.

At first we took this day off but over the years it seemed harder to do, obligations, work usually or just wanting to stay busy, so today I went to school and taught and chatted with a couple of students who needed extra encouragement, called home to a few parents whose kids need to be talked to, went to a meeting that didn’t seem to have a point. I did all these things even though I really just wanted to stay home. I did them because I decided to ask God how he wanted to use me today, instead of living in my sadness and that is hard, living in my sadness is sometimes easier.

When I woke up this morning it was cloudy and gray. After school I ran around and did a few errands, nothing that really needed to be done, picked up my daughter, and headed to dinner with my Mom.

On our way home I remarked to my husband that the sun had come out, maybe I just noticed it and it had been out for awhile?

We saw a beautiful Sunset.

After dinner we helped a friend connect with another friend to pass along some treasured mementos that belonged to her Dad.

“This is not how is should be, this is not how it could be, but this is how it is, And Our God is in control…and we’ll sing Holy, Holy, Holy is our God..”

Today for beautiful Sunsets and songs that remind me…”Spring is Coming…” I Give Thanks!

No running today, back at it tomorrow…KOR

Birthdays

This past Monday I turned 52!

Today my sweet husband had a party for me. It seems I frequently find myself celebrating my birthday on this date, October 22…

I have a cousin whose birthday is the day before mine so I try not to have my birthday celebration on his day, although there have been a few times I’ve messed that up…he’s forgiven me…at least I’m pretty sure he has 😉

I love to celebrate my birthday with my family and sometimes we’ll add a few friends, just depends on how much time we have to plan.

This year my birthday falls in the middle of a really contentious contract negotiation with my teachers union and so there is some underlying stress about whether or not we are going out on strike…so it was a small gathering of my cousins and my aunts 🙂 I almost canceled it at the last minute but I so wanted to see my new baby cousin, Baby Henry, such a cutie!

I love them all. They each have their unique personalities and I love talking with them and visiting. I love seeing my God-Children and I love that I still get to see my first cousins and now their kids 🙂

I love my family.

I love having my birthday as an excuse to see my family.

I don’t know if I will love 52. I mean so far it’s ok, as long as I resist the urge to try to predict the future and what might be coming my way…

Jesus said, “Do not be afraid.
You are worth more than many sparrows.” I try to remember this when I get frustrated about how much weight I’ve gained, how slow I run now or the little aches and pains I feel here and there. St. Paul said, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us rid ourselves of every burden and sin that clings to us and persevere in running the race that lies before us”

So today…for birthdays…I Give Thanks!

We ran 4 miles yesterday out at the park, nice run, felt good, still rebuilding…two steps forward, one step back as they say…

KOR

My cake!

Eaton Trail, Woodward Park… from our run yesterday…..

Music

I love music. I can’t say I love ALL music. I love most music.

I play guitar and I can play very simple piano. My daughter can play complicated piano.

I like to write songs. I’ve written a handful.

I enjoy listening to many different artist.

Tonight, for my birthday, I got to listen to my daughter’s school choir. Beautiful! I love listening to her school choir. The choir director is second to none. They are a beautiful choir and they sing beautiful songs praising God.

I love music.

So today for music…I Give Thanks!

KOR

A song I’ve been enjoying lately…

This is a song I wrote about my Dad…I miss him everyday but especially on days like today, when I know he would have been right there to watch our daughter sing…

Hiking

Today I’m thankful for a beautiful hike with my favorite people.

I am tired but for a few hours I rested from thinking about all the sad things happening in the world right now.

God gives us respite when we need it and when I get to visit and inhabit places like this for a few hours I am amazed and I wonder and I thank God for knowing that His people would need places like this. Places that remind us, He’s still near and in the end it will all be alright.

For hiking with my loves, Point Lobos, and Asilomar beach…I give thanks!

Asilomar….had lunch here after our hike…

Point Lobos, South Shore trail…
Went to Mass here at St. Angelas to end the day 🙂

Guardian Angels and Baptisms!

Today is the feast day of our Guardian Angels. Angel means messenger.

If you grew up Catholic then chances are you learned this prayer growing up:

“Angel of God, My Guardian dear, To Whom God’s love entrust me here, Ever this day be at my side, To light, to guard, to rule and guide. Amen. “

Most Catholic kids learn this prayer by first grade. I went to a Catholic elementary school so I think I learned it in Kindergarten. The first prayer I ever learned was the Our Father and my Mom taught it to me. I remember I was kind of goofing around and she said in no uncertain terms that we do not goof around when we pray. I understood in that moment with my Mom all those years ago, prayer was important. I don’t think she actually knows that.

Angels are all throughout the bible. In Genesis 3:24, God placed an Angel with a flaming sword to guard the Garden of Eden and the Tree of Life. In Genesis 19, two Angels rescue Lot from Sodom. In Numbers 22:22-33 an Angel of the Lord blocks Balaam’s way. In the book of Judges the Angel of the Lord shows up and talks to Gideon and inspires him to battle to free Israel. In Daniel 6:22, “My God sent his angel and shut the lions mouth.” We meet Raphael in the book of Tobit, he helps Tobit’s son Tobiah on his quest to help his father. (If you aren’t Catholic you might not have this book in your bible, it got taken out after the reformation, it’s a good book, if you get a chance, you should definitely read it.) We meet Michael in Daniel, Jude and Revelation. We pray the St. Michaels prayer every Sunday before Mass.

“St. Michael, the Archangel, defend us in battle. Be our protection against wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him, we humbly pray; and do thou O prince of the heavenly host, by the power of God, cast out Satan and all evil spirits who prowl throughout the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.”

We meet Gabriel in Daniel and later in Luke, he speaks to Mary and Zechariah. An angel rolls back the stone at the resurrection. There were angels in the tomb who told Mary Magdalene that Jesus was gone. (John 20:12) When Jesus ascends into heaven two angels ask the apostles what they are looking at in the sky. Acts1:11. There are many more examples but I think you get the idea. In the Catechism of the Catholic Church sections 325-349 cover angels. This is from section 336 “From its beginning until death, human life is surrounded by their watchful care and intercession. Beside each believer stands an angel as protector and shepherd leading him to life. Already here on earth the Christian life shares by faith in the blessed company of angels and men united in God.” But don’t take my word or the word of the Catholic church, Jesus himself says there are angels and that he can summon them if he wants to, in Mathew 26:53. In Mathew 18:10 he says “see that you do not despise one of these little ones for I tell you that in heaven their angels always see the face of my Father who is in heaven.”

When I was 18 I was in a really bad roll over accident on the freeway. I hit a concrete barrier and flipped my car three times and it landed on its side. A truck driver from the opposite side of the freeway ran over and pulled me out of my wrecked car. I had one scratch. I should have died. Let me explain. Back in the 80’s there was no seat belt law and so when I learned to drive when I was 16, sometimes I wore my seatbelt and sometimes I didn’t. Sometimes to help my parents out I would take one of my siblings to school. The morning of the accident I took my little brother to school. We got in the car, a little Dodge Omni and I got ready to take off but before I put the car into gear I heard, “Debbie, put on your seatbelt.” It was odd but I listened and I put on my seatbelt. Twenty minutes later I was hanging by it on the side of the freeway. When the car first hit the barrier I thought a few things, first I thought, “Wow, so this is how it ends, so fast”, then I thought, “My Mom will be so sad,”, then I thought, ” I need to say the Our Father, if I make it to the part about forgiveness I’ll get to heaven,” then everything was black. I could feel glass and dirt hitting my face as I prayed and rolled. A lady pulled over and she was from my church and she hugged me and stayed with me and a man, I think a policemen, called my Mom at work and she came. If I didn’t put my seatbelt on I would have flown through the window of my car and I would have died or at least been severely injured. I was traveling at 65 miles an hour, just over the speed limit when it all happened. I went to work the next day and my co-worker found out that I was the one in the car she saw flipped over in the center divide of the freeway and she said, “I thought for sure whoever was in that car was dead.” I know God was with me for sure. I know the Holy Spirit told me to put on my seatbelt. I think my guardian angel covered me and held me in that car when I hit a cement barrier at 65 miles a hour, flipped three times and landed on the side, hanging from my seat belt. God sends his angels to guide and guard us. I was taught this from the time I was a little girl. I remember being afraid actually of sitting on mine somehow. Makes me laugh to think of that.

I’m sure many people have stories of angels. When my Dad died I could feel someone holding my hand during the Our Father and I thought it was my Dad, then I thought it was my Guardian Angel, later I decided it was Jesus, because he promised he was close to the broken-hearted. In the end, I don’t spend too much time wondering any more because whoever it is that holds my hand is either God or from God and I’m ok with that.

The beginning of our Creed goes like this, “I believe in God, the Father almighty, maker of heaven and earth, of all things visible and invisible…” it continues on from there, the point being there’s a whole invisible world we can’t see and that world includes angels and my Dad. When Father John came out from the hospital after giving my Dad his last rites, he told me that my Dad was part of the invisible not the absent. When Jason’s Dad died, Jason told me it gave him comfort to repeat the end of our Creed, “I look forward to the resurrection of the dead and the life of the world to come.” I wonder at the things we can’t see and I’m glad God has sent each one of us our own angel to watch over us.

Another great thing that happened today is that one of my students got baptized yesterday! He attends a church called Foundation 365 and I wanted to go support him, but it didn’t work out. This morning, however, he was so excited and he gave me a hug because he knows I’m a Christian and I got to congratulate him and give him a card I had written for him. I got to see pictures of his baptism and was just so excited for him. I promised to pray for him so if you are reading this please pray for him too! Our youth have so much against them. I watch my own beautiful daughter struggle with thoughts that are not from God. Thoughts that tell her she is unworthy, un-liked, unloved, even though there is ample evidence that this is not true. I tell her we have to train our minds to trust in and hope in God’s words and its not easy so I’m glad my student will be able to recall his baptism when life gets difficult and remember whose he is. I hope he will continue to learn about all the love God has for him. I can only answer questions about God when the kids ask me directly. I’m glad he asked if I was a Christian and I’m happy he shared his baptism with me.

For today for Guardian Angels and Baptisms…I Give Thanks!

We ran only 2miles today but we managed to keep with our 30/30 and 1/30 run/walk intervals so that was good…doing better everyday!

KOR

This is the neighbors cat…he likes to join us on our runs…he’s really a tripping hazard but so cute!