Forward

A few years ago, probably more than a few years, but, it feels like a few years, I started picking a word for the year.  I read about it in some article, I don’t even remember where or who the article was written by, or maybe I saw it on an early morning television show? I guess it doesn’t matter.

Earlier this year I was talking to my husband, and I was asking him if he picked a word, sometimes he does and sometimes he doesn’t.  One year, he picked kiss for his word.  I asked him why, he said, “because I don’t kiss you enough”, which I thought was sweet.  He’s sweet like that.  Nothing struck him because he hasn’t mentioned a word to me.  Nothing struck me either because it’s almost March and I still did not have a word but over the last couple of weeks a word keeps popping up over and over, or maybe it’s just a frame of mind? 

It’s not like it was bothering me that I didn’t have a word.  It seems sometimes, a thought percolates in the back of your mind and just keeps percolating until something pops up. 

Over the last few weeks, the word/idea of forward keeps popping up, in likely places, like church, in unlikely places, like a random conversation with a random person.  I think Jesus talked to us a lot about living in the present and moving forward with faith.  I think He talked about those things because He knew it was human nature to look ahead, look behind and to get stuck.  A friend once told me that when you look ahead, you can feel anxious. When you look behind, you can feel sad.  When you stay in the present it is harder for those feelings to attack you.  I have actually found this to be very true. 

You can find passages all over the bible in the Old and New Testaments with this idea of moving forward. In Philippians 3:13-14, it says, “ forgetting what lies behind but straining forward to what lies ahead, I continue my pursuit toward the goal, the prize of God’s upward calling, in Christ Jesus.  In Isaiah 43: 18-19 it says, “Remember not the events of the past, the things of long ago consider not; See , I am doing something new!” There are many more.  I find it interesting that this theme is running throughout the length of the Bible and I find it very comforting. 

Today, I had to take my sweet husband to Urgent Care. He woke up clammy and weak, said he was dizzy, and things were spinning.  Last time that happened he ended up passing out in the bathroom and I had to call an ambulance, so I called in a substitute and told him I’d drive him over to Urgent Care.  I didn’t get a lot of push back, which was unusual, so I knew he was not feeling well.  I was worried, we haven’t had much luck this season, it’s been tough.  All I could think selfishly was that I needed him to be ok, I needed nothing to be seriously wrong, because through this particular season of loss we have been through, he has been steady and true, comforting and loving and always reminding me that God always takes care of us.  He has a steady and sure faith in God, a love for Jesus and I love this about him. 

As we get older, I start to worry we have fewer days together in front of us, than behind and since the statistics aren’t on my side, I wonder how I would ever navigate this weary world without him.  I hope not to find out anytime soon.                       

So we have been facing many challenges lately, I think Jesus is telling me to keep a forward mindset this year.  To keep this word in front of me.  Forward.

“Forward always Forward, God Will Provide”

So today for Jesus who speaks so clearly, for sending me this word, Forward and for my husband…I Give Thanks!

Long run up to 5 miles this past weekend.  We want to find a race to run, but my daughter has track meets almost every Saturday in March, so we’ll see.  KOR

Running our long run by our River Trail…
Visited a new to me beach…lots of room to run, looking forward to staying over for a run!

Singing

Yesterday was the Valentine’s concert at my daughter’s school. I guess it’s been around for 10 years, they were celebrating a decade of concerts. They are fun to watch. The kids all sing really well. It’s hard to get up on a stage, in front of family, friends, and peers and perform. I think it’s harder for some kids than others but in the end it’s always a fun thing to enjoy. We’ve enjoyed it for the last 4 years, 3 of them our daughter has gotten to sing in, last night was the last one with our sweet girl, Senior Year, boo and yay, depending on the moment.

It was a nice break, for a few hours from all the sad. Although, there’s always still a bit of sad involved in events like these. I was missing my Dad lots. I couldn’t figure out a way to get my Mom to the earlier performance and get back in time for the late performance, so that was a bummer. My Dad would have been there, of course, he never missed our important events. I also lost a gold hoop earring my Dad and Mom gave me when I was younger, maybe I’ll find it, fingers crossed.

My friend was able to go with her daughter and cheer Laina on. I was grateful she came. She came even though she lost her own Daddy less than a week ago. Friends do that for each other and I am thankful for her kindness and love to my daughter, even in the midst of her own sadness. It’s hard to find people like that these days.

For fun Valentine Concerts and sweet friends… I Give Thanks!

Long run yesterday 4.3…it was a pretty morning, we’ll aim for 5 next week. KOR

Designs on the beach from last week…pretty 🙂

Trees…

I love trees. I love almost all trees. I don’t love my neighbors tree, which spills over into our backyard and deposits its leaves and flowers on our patio every spring, but I don’t hate it either.

I’ve been longing to see some tall trees. Today we had a day off from school so we drove over to Henry Cowell Redwoods State Park. It’s a really beautiful state park with lots of trails, camping and beautiful trees. The sky was blue overhead, the ground was soft and slightly muddy here and there from the rain last week, should have worn my hiking boots. The trail is a short one, it takes you around a little less than a mile into a Redwood forest canopy. Before we knew it we were shivering because it was cold!

We like to read the trail brochure at every stop and we enjoy looking for any creatures that might happen to be around. Today we were looking for the elusive banana slug! Just when we thought we would not see one, there it was laying on a tree stump. Ok, so they aren’t totally pretty but they are California’s State Slug, yes we have a state slug now, the Banana Slug.

So I enjoy a drive when I’m sad and I’ve been sad. Sometimes you just kind of have to power through the days. School doesn’t stop, things your family needs don’t stop, and time has no intention or interest in giving you a breather. Sometimes you just have to force time to your will and say No, I think we’ll take a break and see some trees and the sea, and so we did just that.

I’m still sad but I have many valid reasons to be sad. My daughter had a friend pass away a few weeks ago. Her halted cries and shallow breath while she tried to get the words out to tell me are a vivid memory. I’m grateful to be the person she calls and I was sad that I could not leave where I was, hop in the car and drive to her and hug her and tell her I love her and how so sorry I was for her. Jesus was good to me that day and she was surrounded by many friends and teachers who were His arms for her, until mine also could be.

If that wasn’t enough, her sweet kitty, who she has had since she was 2 passed away. He had been sick but we thought he was making a recovery and he was but it didn’t stick, he relapsed I guess and it was time for him to leave us. Another sadness, each one adding to all the others. I’ve already written about our other losses this fall and winter so I won’t rehash those. Sure do miss that cat though.

Then there’s my poor sister. She’s been struggling health wise for awhile and then in August she started to lose her ability to walk and has gotten progressively worse. The doctors say she needs a surgery, if she doesn’t have it, she will continue to get worse until she is a paraplegic. If she has it, she has a 70% chance of recovery, better than 0, but not a guarantee, but I guess there aren’t many guarantees in life.

Then there’s our sweet friends who decided to move to Georgia, who moves to Georgia? Our friends apparently. Jim has been the choir leader at my church for over 4 decades. I was in his choir when I was a young teen getting ready for confirmation through part of college. I quit when I got married. My Dad continued to sing in the choir for the next 3 decades. He passed away in 2020 and Jim welcomed me back to sing with the choir, it was a lifeline. I could feel close to my Dad by doing something he did every week for decades and it was a familiar and safe environment. When music was first allowed back, during Covid, we had to practice at Jim’s house, like we did when I was younger. Because of Covid we actually would record the songs and they would be played at church, because while we could have singing it couldn’t be live, it was a questionable Covid “rule”, there were many, including the dumb ones that kept us from my Dad as he lie dying alone away from the family who loved him. For the past 4 years, Jim’s choir has helped me heal and feel close to my Dad, so I was sad when he said he was leaving his home and church to move to Georgia. It is a painful loss for me to go from seeing someone who knew my Dad every week to maybe not again for a long while. Not to mention his voice, truly a gift from God. I will miss hearing him sing. He sang at our wedding and our 25th wedding anniversary. He sang at my Uncle Joe’s funeral, my Aunt Alice’s funeral, Bella’s Dad’s funeral, my Dad’s funeral. Happy or sad, Jim was there.

I’m not real sure what’s going on right now. I can’t see the plan through the tears. “The Lord is close to the broken hearted.” I gave my daughter that verse when her friend passed, hold on to it I told her, time to take my own advice and remember I’m not alone.

Deep breathe, “Forward, Always Forward, God will Provide.”

Today for drives, trees and the sea that soothe my weary soul…I Give Thanks…

Long run still at 4 miles…hoping to increase next week and find a 5K to do. KOR

Redwoods…
The elusive Banana Slug…
The sea…
Starbucks…sure do miss you kitty. ❤️