More Rainy Days

It’s raining today…quite steady right now actually. I’m waiting for my husband to get off work and our daughter to finish up with her lab so we can all head home. The 99 can be a wicked drive in the rain and I want our daughter to have a little more practice driving around just in town before she tackles that drive. I’m at my favorite little cafe staring out the window watching the rain fall in sheets from a broken gutter onto the outside patio furniture. There’s a little older couple who is looking over at me now and again, can’t tell if they think I’m transcribing their conversation or just looking out the window behind me. It doesn’t really matter.

We were back to school today after a long three day weekend. We have two three day weekends in February back to back, Lincoln’s birthday and Presidents Day. Our daughter’s old elementary school only got one of the two Mondays off so my husband and I used to use whichever Monday she didn’t get off as a fun date day, usually a hike up at the lake where I spent a lot of time as a kid. She gets both Mondays off these days, mostly because she’s in college now and doesn’t have class on Mondays. It didn’t matter this year though because, it’s raining, so we couldn’t go on our hike yesterday, which was a bummer. The Monday before we also had off and the weather was also not great but we were able to go for a run and see a sweet movie called Solo Mio.

It’s been a strange year so far. Many people to pray for who are having health struggles. My sister and other family and friends. I try to be grateful to wake up every morning able to move and take care of myself. I’m still trying to lose some weight to help my A1C and overall health. It would be nice to spend my 50’s active and healthy as I head into the second half of them in about half a year. I’m thankful to be able to pray for my friends and family to a God who is always listening, even when I might not think He hears. Feelings aren’t always a great thing to go by, they have a tendency to ebb and flow, we must trust in God’s word always and Jesus promised us that we are never alone, even on days when that’s exactly how we feel. Alone, concerned about the future, the state of a world where old women are kidnapped from their homes, or teens looking for an easy way to steal someone else’s belongings all die in a horrific car wreck and then there’s wars and the general state of the world. My hope remains in Jesus even when the plan remains elusive.

In addition to a three day weekend, Valentine’s Day was Saturday. I am thankful we got to spend time with the kids so their parents could have a Valentine date. We watched K-Pop Demon Hunters! Lol, it was an interesting movie and we talked about things that were good messages and things that were just weird. In general, the idea of “the accuser” and having to guard your mind from negative thoughts was a good idea. We all seem to struggle with negative, self-defeating thoughts somedays and sometimes those thoughts win and people we love end up places we would never want them to be. Some days we are able to win, push the thoughts away and continue our day. Thank goodness for those days.

On Valentine’s Day we picked up my mom and after our daughter’s practice we headed over to a little beach town called Cayucos. The beach isn’t very big, and neither is the town but they have some cute antique shops and at least two places we like to eat, Duckies and now Schooners. I think my Mom had a nice time and so did my daughter and man it was a beautiful drive!

Sunday we finally had our own Valentine Date, but I picked a bad movie, Crime 101, the plot was crazy, didn’t really make any sense but we stayed through the whole movie. It was nice to have a Valentine Date and for the 32nd year in a row my See’s candy heart made a return. This year it had chocolates, some years it has other gifts but this year mostly chocolate and I also got some flowers and cards 🙂 I have the best Valentine. We went running in the morning and the sky was so pretty, a really nice pink, purple, orange color. I love a colored sky.

Tomorrow is the beginning of Lent. Some years I look forward to Lent, other years, like this year, I wonder why it’s a thing. I’m probably not supposed to write that out loud. It’s not that I don’t think the purpose of Lent is a good one. I do. It’s just that our particular church changes things to Latin and reduces the amount of instruments that can be played and wants the Psalms sung a certain way and they just try to make Sunday’s a lot more somber than it should be. Jesus wasn’t even Roman and He didn’t teach in Latin! Jesus was Jewish and spoke and taught in Aramaic, so the argument that it’s the language of Jesus isn’t valid. Sundays, in my opinion, should always be a joyful day. We commemorate the great sacrifice of Jesus on the cross and hopefully we leave Mass with a renewed sense of gratefulness and thankfulness for the gift of Jesus. Jesus took on all sin on the cross, not some sin, not most sin, all sin. Jesus died so we could enter heaven, including the thief who was crucified with him. A time of contemplating to remember this gift, a time of sacrifice to acknowledge the suffering and our redemption is good and useful but Sundays are special so I don’t totally understand the reasoning behind it all, but maybe it’s one of those things that I don’t totally need to understand. Maybe I should just follow the shepherds God has given us. Our Oblates of St. Joseph are good and holy men who love God’s people, maybe there’s something there that I don’t see?

Well I guess that’s it for now. No running news, trying out some once a week intervals, which are actually kinda hard, not as many miles lately because the weather has not been cooperating. Doing more weightlifting, following a Bill Philips 5X5 plan. We have a treadmill and it’s a new one, but so far I don’t much care for it, might try walking on it tonight if this rain doesn’t calm down, after my weight workout.

So today for pink Valentine skies, time spent with people we love, the gifts of sacrifice, clergy who care enough to try to help us contemplate that sacrifice(even if I don’t like Latin), beautiful skies, days off, and a little time to sit and think in a favorite cafe…I give thanks!

KOR-not sure when we’ll be able to sign up for another race, lots of track meets coming up but hopefully we’ll be able to up our mileage as the weather improves and get a little faster. A plan is in the works!

The Pink Valentine Sky
Amazing views…
Green hills and beautiful sky on our drive to the coast…
My 32 year old Valentine…

Family

Today I’m thankful for the opportunity to meet up with my family after church on Sundays. Sometimes at our house, sometimes at my brother’s house, once in a great while at my Mom’s house. It’s nice to have some lunch together and play with the kiddos and catch up after the week. So today, I’m thankful for time with family.

Short and sweet today, trying to get back to a little writing, but not in the greatest mood today.

For family…I give thanks!

KOR

No running updates, but I have been trying to lift weights more and did an interval run last week that I was surprised went ok. LOL…

Crying kids…LOL!

Not thankful for screaming kids…should I say that? Makes me sound like a curmudgeon….opinion, some people let their kids whine too long before they correct them…home, one thing, out and about in public is a totally different thing…sigh…ok, probably unpopular opinion over…

Haven’t written here in awhile but November seems an appropriate time to offer some thanks…

Yesterday was Veterans Day. We were able to take my Mom up to Casa De Fruta and have lunch at Casa De Restaurant. My Dad used to like going there to eat lunch or walk around. He’s not with us on Earth anymore but it was nice to take my mom and I think she enjoyed the drive.

Kids who aren’t whiny. I have a few sweet students at school who routinely ask how I am and inquire about my sister. I’m thankful for kind kids.

My run this morning. We are definitely so much slower but I’m thankful to be able to wake up and go outside and run in the cool crisp air, even if now or days it’s a run/walk and even if it’s 5AM, yes AM.

My sister has been back to hospital in the last couple of weeks. Not good news for her kidneys and while I remain concerned I’m also thankful for good doctors and health care people. I pray everyday my sister is surrounded by people who can help her make good decisions.

Not sleeping a lot the last few weeks. I fall asleep and then wake up, all the worst ideas of what happens if my sister loses all her kidney function. I’m thankful that my Mom taught me the Our Father when I was a little girl and the Hail Mary. I’m thankful for the sisters at St. Joachim who taught me the other prayers that make up our rosary. I’m thankful for Bishop Barron who’s recorded the rosary on You Tube. I can put it on when I wake up in the wee hours and pray myself back to sleep. The Luminous Mysteries are my favorite.

Lastly I’m thankful it’s almost time to head home. It’s been a long day.

For all these things…I Give Thanks!

Ran the Two Cities 5K, did better than we thought….KOR…next run our local Turkey Trot!

Bishop Barron- Luminous Mysteries

https://youtu.be/b2EjBt2PFpc?si=xcXF06wdMvP_cD5_

Pretty sky from last week..

Coffee and Red Eyes…

I don’t usually drink coffee. I should say I really never drink coffee, but lately I have been drinking a coffee now and again.

It started a few months ago, I got sick and wanted something warm but I didn’t want tea. My husband drinks coffee, a lot of coffee, everyday. Black. He drinks his coffee black! I’m not sure why a human would do this but I’m guessing the reason is like those of us that drink unsweetened iced black tea.

Saturday morning I had a sugar-free iced vanilla coffee from McDonalds. McDonald’s sugar free iced vanilla coffee is hit and miss, mostly miss, but every once in awhile when I’m wanting a coffee and I order one there it turns out ok. Right now as I type this I’m having a cappuccino with almond milk. I like those two coffees and that’s about it.

I have a headache, the last two or three days when it gets to afternoon I’ve been getting a headache. I think I need to be drinking water but I don’t fancy water right now, not sure why, probably because it’s cold. I don’t want tea and I don’t want any sugary drinks so that leaves coffee.

On occasion, I’ve actually tried to become a coffee drinker. The problem is, I really just don’t like coffee! It’s bitter and leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, and I just really don’t like it, except for this cappuccino I’m currently drinking or a sugar-free iced vanilla coffee from McDonald’s now and again.

I woke up with my right eye really red in one corner yesterday morning. I thought it would go away if I slept well last night. I slept, not well, and it’s still there.

We mostly had a fun weekend. Our daughter got a PR in her 400m event at a track meet. She’s been trying to break 60s in the 400m for a few years now, and she’s very close. I love to watch her set and achieve her goals. Her 4X400m team broke the school record, which was cool to watch. They came in 2nd to last, but we cared about the time for the school record; no one expected them to win the relay. They did what they needed to do, each girl giving their all and finally a school record.

Last year, in the final race of our daughter’s season, in the final 100m of the 4X400m, she was tripped by a girl she passed. It was a hard fall, but she got up and finished her race. The next day, we found out she was injured with a pelvic bruise and a ligament in her hand was hurt, she had bruises on her stomach and the sadness of a bad end to her Junior track season, robbed of a medal and a school record. No apology or check-in was ever offered to her from her opponent or the coach of the other team, which just isn’t really a kind thing, even if the other team was disqualified. It took her weeks to recover and her hand still isn’t quite right. Our daughter doesn’t understand unkind people and neither do we.

At Saturday’s track meet, the girl who tripped her was in the lane next to her in her 200m, it was nice to see her overcome her fear of facing that particular opponent again. It was fun to watch her win her flight. We wonder if she realizes how resilient she’s become, facing challenges and overcoming them to achieve her goals. She is a marvel to me. I wish she saw herself like we see her. I wonder how much better we would all do if we could see ourselves how God sees us.

Before she was going to run her 400m, she called me, distraught. I could hear the tears in her voice. She had called a teammate to let her know it was the last call before her race, the 1600. Our daughter is the team captain, and another team member had asked her to call their teammate, so she did. They didn’t want her to be late. The teammate got worried that she would miss her race, panicked, told our daughter to call her mom, and hung up. According to our daughter, the Mom side-eyed her, telling her that maybe she shouldn’t have called her daughter. Our daughter called me because she was really sad that she had done something wrong. She went from being excited and hopeful for the day to crushed in spirit, all because she interpreted something an adult said to her as a reprimand for doing something wrong. I assured her she did nothing wrong and that her intent was not to hurt her teammate but to help her teammate. We walked back to the tent, hoping to find the mom and let her know the intention was to help, but we couldn’t find her, truthfully I wanted the mother to reassure our daughter she had done nothing wrong, but there was no real guarantee that’s what would happen, people are strange.

She was doing everything she could to keep from crying, her eyes watery and red. I kept reassuring her she did nothing wrong, that she needed to reset and move forward. (This word which I wrote about earlier has really been heaven sent, it’s my word for the year.) With the help of a sweet friend, she was able to do that, and 40 minutes later, she ran a PR in her 400m and set a school record. It’s not always been easy for our girl to redirect her negative thoughts, and more than setting a school record or getting a PR, we were really proud she was able to change the channel and ended up having a great day at the track.

When we got home, even after all the great stuff and a dinner celebration with another sweet friend, she was still worried about that mom. I guess changing the channel in our brains is an ongoing process, with our mind cycling back to the preset even when we don’t want it to do that. We need a way to change the presets. Some people are really good at that, and others need practice. She’s working on that, and it’s hard work.

In fact, at the meet, she kept telling me she was trying and that it was hard, and I said it is hard, but Jesus told us not to fear, and I reminded her about Romans 12:2 where St. Paul said “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect”. In Philippians 4:8 St. Paul says “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things” and in 2Chorinthians 10:5 St. Paul says, “We destroy arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, taking every thought captive to obey Christ”. Jesus talked about self-control and discipline, with prayer, practice and trust in Jesus, we can change the presets in our minds. It’s hard work but with and through Jesus it’s possible. Jesus wills our good because He loves us, so much that He gave his life for us, something we focus on during this holy season of Lent.

So today for coffee, resets, fast runs, P.R’s and school records…I give thanks!

Well, we got sick for two weeks so our long run is back down to 3 miles currently but my weight lifting routine is intact and we are signing up for the Mother’s Day run, so looking forward to that! KOR…

This word is everywhere, even in my favorite magazines…
The track at Yosemite High School…

Rainy Days are coming…

Today’s looking like a rainy day so I’m looking for some things to be thankful for….

I can’t be thankful that my entire family is currently sick with some virus from hell…well at least it feels that way.

I can be thankful it doesn’t seem to be as bad for our daughter. She seems to be weathering it better than either me or her Dad are.

I can’t be thankful for the stressful class period with one of my autistic kiddos today, who out of no where was really upset about Google and their DEI policies changing. I tried my best to assure her she would be ok and direct her back to her task but I wasn’t very successful.

I can be thankful for my kiddos who let me know she was upset as this gave me an opportunity to go over and see what I could do to help her, within reason.

I can’t be thankful that some people that work in a hospital that is supposed to help people are apparently incompetent and hurt my sister.

I can be thankful that my sister loves Jesus and trusts Him to be with her always wherever she is.

I can’t be thankful that I got sick and now I can’t visit her until I’m better. No way do I want her to have whatever this is we have, my ribs hurt so much from all the coughing could you imagine what that would do to someone who’s just had surgery on their spine?

I can be thankful I didn’t get her sick.

I’m not sure I can be thankful for another bunch of rain that looks like it’s headed this way, the storm clouds are gathering as they say.

I can be thankful for all the green grass and beautiful flowers I see when I drive back home, product of all the rain we’ve gotten so far this year.

I guess that’s all I have for now. I’m tired because I’m sick. I can’t be thankful for being tired.

I can be thankful in about an hour I have a warm house to return to, blankets to cuddle under and a soft pillow to greet my head.

So today for all those gifts…I give thanks!

Sunday should have been our long run, but I got sick Saturday night so I’ve been tired. I’m going to try to lift some weights tomorrow. I did get us all signed back up in our running club, Sierra Challenge Express. We don’t run with them hardly ever, but we get some discounts here and there for different races and it supports the local running community so that’s a good thing. We did get signed up for our annual 4th of July race, something to look forward too. 🙂 KOR!

Rains on the way…

Forward

A few years ago, probably more than a few years, but, it feels like a few years, I started picking a word for the year.  I read about it in some article, I don’t even remember where or who the article was written by, or maybe I saw it on an early morning television show? I guess it doesn’t matter.

Earlier this year I was talking to my husband, and I was asking him if he picked a word, sometimes he does and sometimes he doesn’t.  One year, he picked kiss for his word.  I asked him why, he said, “because I don’t kiss you enough”, which I thought was sweet.  He’s sweet like that.  Nothing struck him because he hasn’t mentioned a word to me.  Nothing struck me either because it’s almost March and I still did not have a word but over the last couple of weeks a word keeps popping up over and over, or maybe it’s just a frame of mind? 

It’s not like it was bothering me that I didn’t have a word.  It seems sometimes, a thought percolates in the back of your mind and just keeps percolating until something pops up. 

Over the last few weeks, the word/idea of forward keeps popping up, in likely places, like church, in unlikely places, like a random conversation with a random person.  I think Jesus talked to us a lot about living in the present and moving forward with faith.  I think He talked about those things because He knew it was human nature to look ahead, look behind and to get stuck.  A friend once told me that when you look ahead, you can feel anxious. When you look behind, you can feel sad.  When you stay in the present it is harder for those feelings to attack you.  I have actually found this to be very true. 

You can find passages all over the bible in the Old and New Testaments with this idea of moving forward. In Philippians 3:13-14, it says, “ forgetting what lies behind but straining forward to what lies ahead, I continue my pursuit toward the goal, the prize of God’s upward calling, in Christ Jesus.  In Isaiah 43: 18-19 it says, “Remember not the events of the past, the things of long ago consider not; See , I am doing something new!” There are many more.  I find it interesting that this theme is running throughout the length of the Bible and I find it very comforting. 

Today, I had to take my sweet husband to Urgent Care. He woke up clammy and weak, said he was dizzy, and things were spinning.  Last time that happened he ended up passing out in the bathroom and I had to call an ambulance, so I called in a substitute and told him I’d drive him over to Urgent Care.  I didn’t get a lot of push back, which was unusual, so I knew he was not feeling well.  I was worried, we haven’t had much luck this season, it’s been tough.  All I could think selfishly was that I needed him to be ok, I needed nothing to be seriously wrong, because through this particular season of loss we have been through, he has been steady and true, comforting and loving and always reminding me that God always takes care of us.  He has a steady and sure faith in God, a love for Jesus and I love this about him. 

As we get older, I start to worry we have fewer days together in front of us, than behind and since the statistics aren’t on my side, I wonder how I would ever navigate this weary world without him.  I hope not to find out anytime soon.                       

So we have been facing many challenges lately, I think Jesus is telling me to keep a forward mindset this year.  To keep this word in front of me.  Forward.

“Forward always Forward, God Will Provide”

So today for Jesus who speaks so clearly, for sending me this word, Forward and for my husband…I Give Thanks!

Long run up to 5 miles this past weekend.  We want to find a race to run, but my daughter has track meets almost every Saturday in March, so we’ll see.  KOR

Running our long run by our River Trail…
Visited a new to me beach…lots of room to run, looking forward to staying over for a run!

Singing

Yesterday was the Valentine’s concert at my daughter’s school. I guess it’s been around for 10 years, they were celebrating a decade of concerts. They are fun to watch. The kids all sing really well. It’s hard to get up on a stage, in front of family, friends, and peers and perform. I think it’s harder for some kids than others but in the end it’s always a fun thing to enjoy. We’ve enjoyed it for the last 4 years, 3 of them our daughter has gotten to sing in, last night was the last one with our sweet girl, Senior Year, boo and yay, depending on the moment.

It was a nice break, for a few hours from all the sad. Although, there’s always still a bit of sad involved in events like these. I was missing my Dad lots. I couldn’t figure out a way to get my Mom to the earlier performance and get back in time for the late performance, so that was a bummer. My Dad would have been there, of course, he never missed our important events. I also lost a gold hoop earring my Dad and Mom gave me when I was younger, maybe I’ll find it, fingers crossed.

My friend was able to go with her daughter and cheer Laina on. I was grateful she came. She came even though she lost her own Daddy less than a week ago. Friends do that for each other and I am thankful for her kindness and love to my daughter, even in the midst of her own sadness. It’s hard to find people like that these days.

For fun Valentine Concerts and sweet friends… I Give Thanks!

Long run yesterday 4.3…it was a pretty morning, we’ll aim for 5 next week. KOR

Designs on the beach from last week…pretty 🙂

Trees…

I love trees. I love almost all trees. I don’t love my neighbors tree, which spills over into our backyard and deposits its leaves and flowers on our patio every spring, but I don’t hate it either.

I’ve been longing to see some tall trees. Today we had a day off from school so we drove over to Henry Cowell Redwoods State Park. It’s a really beautiful state park with lots of trails, camping and beautiful trees. The sky was blue overhead, the ground was soft and slightly muddy here and there from the rain last week, should have worn my hiking boots. The trail is a short one, it takes you around a little less than a mile into a Redwood forest canopy. Before we knew it we were shivering because it was cold!

We like to read the trail brochure at every stop and we enjoy looking for any creatures that might happen to be around. Today we were looking for the elusive banana slug! Just when we thought we would not see one, there it was laying on a tree stump. Ok, so they aren’t totally pretty but they are California’s State Slug, yes we have a state slug now, the Banana Slug.

So I enjoy a drive when I’m sad and I’ve been sad. Sometimes you just kind of have to power through the days. School doesn’t stop, things your family needs don’t stop, and time has no intention or interest in giving you a breather. Sometimes you just have to force time to your will and say No, I think we’ll take a break and see some trees and the sea, and so we did just that.

I’m still sad but I have many valid reasons to be sad. My daughter had a friend pass away a few weeks ago. Her halted cries and shallow breath while she tried to get the words out to tell me are a vivid memory. I’m grateful to be the person she calls and I was sad that I could not leave where I was, hop in the car and drive to her and hug her and tell her I love her and how so sorry I was for her. Jesus was good to me that day and she was surrounded by many friends and teachers who were His arms for her, until mine also could be.

If that wasn’t enough, her sweet kitty, who she has had since she was 2 passed away. He had been sick but we thought he was making a recovery and he was but it didn’t stick, he relapsed I guess and it was time for him to leave us. Another sadness, each one adding to all the others. I’ve already written about our other losses this fall and winter so I won’t rehash those. Sure do miss that cat though.

Then there’s my poor sister. She’s been struggling health wise for awhile and then in August she started to lose her ability to walk and has gotten progressively worse. The doctors say she needs a surgery, if she doesn’t have it, she will continue to get worse until she is a paraplegic. If she has it, she has a 70% chance of recovery, better than 0, but not a guarantee, but I guess there aren’t many guarantees in life.

Then there’s our sweet friends who decided to move to Georgia, who moves to Georgia? Our friends apparently. Jim has been the choir leader at my church for over 4 decades. I was in his choir when I was a young teen getting ready for confirmation through part of college. I quit when I got married. My Dad continued to sing in the choir for the next 3 decades. He passed away in 2020 and Jim welcomed me back to sing with the choir, it was a lifeline. I could feel close to my Dad by doing something he did every week for decades and it was a familiar and safe environment. When music was first allowed back, during Covid, we had to practice at Jim’s house, like we did when I was younger. Because of Covid we actually would record the songs and they would be played at church, because while we could have singing it couldn’t be live, it was a questionable Covid “rule”, there were many, including the dumb ones that kept us from my Dad as he lie dying alone away from the family who loved him. For the past 4 years, Jim’s choir has helped me heal and feel close to my Dad, so I was sad when he said he was leaving his home and church to move to Georgia. It is a painful loss for me to go from seeing someone who knew my Dad every week to maybe not again for a long while. Not to mention his voice, truly a gift from God. I will miss hearing him sing. He sang at our wedding and our 25th wedding anniversary. He sang at my Uncle Joe’s funeral, my Aunt Alice’s funeral, Bella’s Dad’s funeral, my Dad’s funeral. Happy or sad, Jim was there.

I’m not real sure what’s going on right now. I can’t see the plan through the tears. “The Lord is close to the broken hearted.” I gave my daughter that verse when her friend passed, hold on to it I told her, time to take my own advice and remember I’m not alone.

Deep breathe, “Forward, Always Forward, God will Provide.”

Today for drives, trees and the sea that soothe my weary soul…I Give Thanks…

Long run still at 4 miles…hoping to increase next week and find a 5K to do. KOR

Redwoods…
The elusive Banana Slug…
The sea…
Starbucks…sure do miss you kitty. ❤️

Vacation…

We’ve been on Christmas Vacation. My daughter got off the week before me, my husband’s vacation started on Christmas Eve but now they are back to school and work today and I have another seven days off. I smartly or stupidly, I can’t decide which, scheduled a lot of health appointments and check ups for this week. Right now as I’m looking at the schedule I’m leaning toward stupidly, but I did try to make time to meet up with a friend or two here or there, so we’ll see how that turns out.

Since my last post we’ve had sweet Emily’s memorial service. My daughter sang at the funeral Mass and I wonder how she found the courage to sing, I wasn’t asked, but I’m not sure I could have even if I was. She sang well. It was a lovely service for a beautiful lady. I’ve always found comfort in the funeral Mass, probably because I’m Roman Catholic and the service is familiar, giving room to the grieving to do just that, grieve, while reminding us, Emily is not far or absent, just part of the “invisible”. That’s not always great comfort at 2:00AM when you wake up missing someone or anticipating a loss, but in the moment it provides a space to think about your own mortality, what kind of life you want to live and the ultimate goal, heaven.

I have so many people now to reunite with in heaven. Our Lauren Rose of course, my baby sister Tracy, my Dad and, now almost all his brothers and sisters, good friends, like Hector who we lost last year, Great-Grandma’s Doris and Lana(who Laina is named for) and, Great-Grandpa Floyd, my own grandparents, one who I only know by pictures and the other who I vaguely remember, but the memory is not a happy one, the list is growing. I had a friend who said her Grandmother once told her, if you live to be old enough you will know more people one day in heaven than on earth. I think her Grandma is right and I don’t always like it.

It’s been a rough Fall and, I have found myself holding onto God’s promises tightly, even while my brain fights me, especially it seems around 2:00AM. Maybe a believer isn’t supposed to admit they struggle at times but I do and I think Jesus knew we would or he wouldn’t have put all His promises in writing and surrounded us with people whose faith at times is stronger than our own.

Still, in the midst of all the sad, we have life to look forward to I suppose. Track season is coming up and I love to watch our daughter run fast, she’s pretty good at it and has found more success in track than cross country. I’ve always thought running provides us with the opportunity to train our minds to be mentally tough and theoretically that should help with life, though it doesn’t always. I was glad when she decided she would try out a track group called the Flyers when she was in 6th grade and she enjoyed it, so we stuck with track and it’s been fun to watch her set goals and most of the time achieve them. God has surrounded her with many good coaches who love Him and as my goal for our daughter has always been heaven and not a career or things, I’ve been pleased and thankful with the adults God has placed in her life.

The second semester of the school year will start Monday for me and I hope to see all my students back safe and sound. I hope they’ve had a restful vacation and I hope they are ready to learn some more Chemistry. We’ll see, quite often it seems I’m the most excited one in the room. It makes me wonder if Jesus ever felt like I do sometimes. I kind of don’t think so because He is Jesus, but I feel badly if He did! Some days I’m really excited to share a lesson or something I found out or learned with the kids and they are NOT as excited as I am. In fact, they are clearly elsewhere, listening to music with their ear pods hidden under their hair or cap or sneaking peaks at their phone every time it buzzes and as a teacher you can get to feeling pretty ignored. I wonder if Jesus ever felt or feels ignored, like I do in class some days. It’s a lonely sad feeling, so I hope not. We can look to the bible to find out if Jesus every felt like I do sometimes. When Jesus was about to die on the cross before he died he called out, in a loud voice, “Eli Eli lama sabachtani” translated, “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?”

When I googled the word forsaken, AI said forsaken means, “to be abandoned, deserted, or left completely alone. To be deprived of another person or let down when you are in need.” If Jesus felt forsaken on the cross, maybe I’m wrong and He does know exactly how it feels to be ignored by a class full of teenagers or when I’m awake at 2AM pondering a future only He can see? Yeah, I’m wrong, but it doesn’t always feel like I’m wrong. So I love that Jesus left us His book, with all its stories that point to Him and with his teachings to remind us of His love.

A friend told me my words sounded heavy. Another friend recently told me I seemed weary and I am. The weight of my responsibilities sits heavily upon me some days and I am weary of all the sad, so tired. Deaths, illnesses, now these fires in LA, for some reason, ever since Covid, at least for me, it seems a constant stream of loss or tragedy after another, but as Peter said, “to where will I go, you have the words of everlasting life.” I’m holding on tight to those promises and I think of JJ Hellers song, Your Hands.

“I have unanswered prayers, I have trouble wish wasn’t there, and I have asked a thousand ways that you would take my pain away.

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crooked lie, Oh Lord, before these feet of mine, Oh Lord, before these feet of mine.

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands”

So my vacation is over in three days and I’ll be back to shining my light best I can. Break was filled with it all this year, sad, happy, regretful, anxious, weary, heavy thoughts. The waves seem to be crashing all around me, like the day we went for a drive to our favorite beach and they were wild and so tall, ready to sweep away anyone who wasn’t paying attention, but…

“What can make me whole again? Nothing by the blood of Jesus.”

For me there’s no other answer, there’s no other place to go, but Jesus and so today…

for Jesus, my brother, God, my Father and the Holy Spirit, my counselor…I Give Thanks!

We ran the Jingle Bell Run during break and our long run is back down to 4miles currently, due to a few reasons, that’s my update on that, we are planning on doing a 5K in a week that I’ve never run before so hopefully that will be fun. KOR

Crazy waves…
Fun New Years Eve game…I lost 😦
Our zoo as Baby Meerkats!
Beautiful hikes!
Visit down south…

Her name is Emily…

I met Emily when I met my friend Tina. Emily is her Mom, but over the years Emily has become a loved member of our family.

Emily has been in hospice for a few months now and it seems she’ll be headed home soon.

I have many happy memories with Emily, baking Empanadas with her and my daughter. Listening to her stories and listening to her be upset about things. Listening to her talk about her flowers and plants. Eating her food! If you went to visit she would always feed you, whether you wanted to eat or not.

Emily has been a good friend to my Mom, especially since my Dad’s been gone.

Some people you wish would live with you forever. I don’t want her to leave us. She’s 98, such a long beautiful life but things are a bit rough for her here at the end. I hope God takes her peacefully into His light.

She has the best hugs in the world, and she loves like Jesus. I see Jesus in Emily.

I love you Emily and we will miss you so very much.

Today for Emily…I Give Thanks!