Category: Thankfulness

Finding Blessings Amidst Fall’s Challenges

On By runnergirl02In Thankfulness, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Phew…this has been an interesting fall so far….

Fall is not my favorite season, it’s not a hated season either, it just seems if something is going to go wrong in my world, it always goes wrong in Fall. Big things, little things…ALL the things.

Our good friend Emily, like a Great-Grandma to Laina, a Grandma to us is in hospice. She is 98 years old and just wish she would fall asleep and wake up in heaven, but she’s going through some suffering before she leaves this world of ours and it hurts my heart, especially for her daughter. Her daughter is Laina’s God-Mother, sweet lady who I met many years ago through my own mom and now she’s part of our family 🙂

My uncle, who is 82, has been diagnosed with Stage 4 Colon and Liver cancer. The primary source was the Colon. He’s done one chemo treatment, ended up in rehab because he was in hospital so long he was weak and having trouble walking but he should be coming home this Wednesday and then back to Chemo. We will see how it goes. He was always kind to me and I hope he doesn’t suffer too much.

My sister-in-law’s mother is in ICU in a medically induced coma because she is having seizures that won’t stop. They had to move her up to Sacramento because they couldn’t help her at the hospital she was in. After just speaking with my brother, my sister-in-law’s Mama seems to be on her way from this world, please bring peace and comfort to her family.

My Dad passed away on September 19th, 2020. My Aunt, his sister, one of my very favorites, a big part of our family, passed away September 9th, 2022. Our baby daughter, Lauren Rose, went to heaven on October 23rd. As you can see Fall is not and has not been kind. I don’t look forward to Fall. I was even sick for my birthday this year! I should have stayed home sick but went to work because I only have so much sick leave and I want to save it so I can attend our daughter’s events. Sigh…

Despite all these sad things, I do try to look at the blessings. The weather is getting cooler and the mornings are like I like them, crisp and pleasant. My brother and sister called to wish me a Happy Birthday, and so did my Mom, and while my students did not know it was my birthday they were good taht day! Pumpkins! I love pumpkins, they are fun to decorate with and look for in a pumpkin patch which we’ve done a few times. Fairs, I enjoy the fairs, in the Fall, visiting the exhibits and seeing the animals, eating the food! Cross Country! My daughter is on her school team and I enjoy watching her run, going to meets, and cheering her on to be her best. Fall concerts for choir. My daughter is in her school’s Chamber Choir and man they are a beautiful choir, so nice to sit and listen to them sing God’s praises on a weekday night. Sunday brunch with family, a long-standing tradition, continues. What a blessing to see my brother, sister, nieces, and nephews almost every Sunday! Time spent with family is a treasure to be sure. We were able to drive down to the coast this past Saturday and it was a beautiful day. Playing frisbee on the beach with my love so fun! Attending Mass at St. Angela’s in PG is always a treat, even if we can never manage to attend their SAMDAG fundraiser, it’s fun to hear about it every year around this time.

I’m not really sure if the good things outweigh the bad things or if I’m seeing it all wrong. I’m sure it’s the latter. Do you ever wish God would just give you a little glimpse to see how it’s all going to turn out? I do, a lot. So I try to turn to his word, it doesn’t always help but I try to remind myself of all His promises and even though that doesn’t always work and it doesn’t always fix the sadness, it’s what I have.

Jesus prays for us in John, Chapter 17. In verse 26 he says, “I made known to them your name and I will make it known, that the love with which you loved me may be in them and I in them.” Jesus desires to be in us and with us, this is what He said. In verse 24 he says, “Father, they are your gift to me. I wish that where I am they also may be with me. He called us his gift. In Mathew 28:20, Jesus says, “And behold, I am with you always, until the end of the age.” He’s talking to his disciples in all these passages but He is also talking those who have been baptized in Christ, His beloved. One of my favorite passages in Matthew is Mathew 6:25 where Jesus talks about where to put our trust. He says, “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat (or drink), or about your body, what you will wear.” Jesus doesn’t want us to worry, but to trust in Him, even when the outcome is uncertain and not what we ever wanted or hoped for.

“Oh my sweet Jesus, hear my prayer to you this day, that you would be with all our loved ones and lead them home to you. If they must suffer, may it be short, and may we unite it to your suffering on the cross as we remember the life you gave for us. We don’t understand this life or where it leads and even when we think we do, we don’t see it all, please guard us from the evil one and keep us close to you always. Sweet Jesus, my brother and God my Father, never leave our side and bring us home to you when our race is run. Amen.”

For Jesus, I can always give thanks….

I’ve been sick. Running was going pretty good until a few weeks back, getting back to it, the schedule got thrown off, but we are still doing what we can when we can. Our long run right now is a pretty solid 6 miles, so hopeful to increase this as the weeks go by. Hoping to run a 5k sometime soon. KOR

My favorite spot to relax in God’s love…

A rainbow I saw that reminds me no matter the storms of life, God is always with me…

Falls…

On By runnergirl02In Thankfulness, UncategorizedLeave a comment

There are many different kinds of falls…

Falls from grace…

Falling off the wagon…

Falling water…

Falling in the literal sense of the word…

On the day of my 50th birthday, I did the latter. My husband and I were training for a half marathon in November and needed to get in a long run, I can’t remember how long now, so even though we had planned a trip out to Monterey for my birthday, on the morning of my birthday, we headed out to complete this run. Less than a mile from our house I tripped on the sidewalk and hit the ground hard, landing with my hand’s outstretched and I heard an ugly pop. It was not good. My hand immediately started swelling twice its size and in that moment I knew two things; first, I wasn’t going to Monterey for my 50th birthday, second, I wasn’t running a half marathon in November. Both were confirmed a few hours later after a visit to urgent care.

However, hand wrapped in a splint and wanting to salvage what I could of my 50th birthday I let my husband and daughter take me out to Casa De Fruta where we enjoyed the fall decorations and ate an early dinner. This was not what I had planned at all and I found myself for the first time that I could ever remember really really wishing I could go back in time and skip the run. That one run altered the plans I had for the next few months and even though it was awhile ago now, my hand still isn’t right. It hurts in cold weather and gets stiff in the morning, tired if I use it too much. My wedding ring didn’t fit for a year and the hand that was injured is still a little bit swollen at times.

When my daughter was little and fell, as little ones do, I’d tell her to get up, she’d be fine and she always was. Her skin tends to scar though so she has little marks here and there from some of her falls over the years. She now runs track and cross country.

In May, at the final track meet of the season, she fell. She fell in the 4X400. She was running as the anchor. She is fun to watch when she’s running well. She actually hadn’t been feeling well earlier that day but when she got that baton, she took off like a firework and was almost home about to give her final kick when she went down, along with a runner who had gotten too close. At first I didn’t know it was her, then I had two thoughts, Was she ok? What happened? My husband was the first to say it looked like the girl behind her clipped her. Mama Bear went into motion trying to get to my daughter but she was on the infield, luckily getting bandaged up with her coach. I asked her teammates whether or not they saw her get pushed, which was my initial concern. Finally, I was reunited with my daughter and asked her if she had been pushed and she said no, she felt her leg get kicked. When she fell, she fell mid-stride, so both her legs we up off the ground and with nothing to catch her she literally collapsed to the ground at near her top speed in a sickening plop. It’s hard to watch on video. She had several injuries, including at least one that wasn’t really apparent until a couple of weeks later when she tried to do a push-up and found she couldn’t. When she puts much pressure on the hand that hit first, the hand immediately is unhappy. She had cuts and an injury to her pelvis that still hurts nearly a month later. It was a hard fall. To add insult to injury the other runner didn’t go to check on her to see if she was ok, nor did she apologize. When mama bear wrote an email asking the principal to tell his coach to talk to his runner about checking on others, the coach apparently mentioned my daughter could have been blocking his runner from passing, like that would be a reason not to check on someone who was injured? The other girl was DQ’d so I doubt even he believed his own suggestion.

School districts are always afraid of law-suits, sadly. We are the farthest from those kind of people you could get. The other coach didn’t ask us about our daughter either, maybe he talked to our coaches? Maybe he didn’t realize the full extent of her injuries? Not sure, but I know one thing, when you cause an injury to another, even if it was an accident, you should always apologize and check on the person who was injured.

When she fell I hoped two things; that she was ok, that it wasn’t her fault. Our daughter is the sweetest girl you will ever meet. She is kind and loving. She almost always has a smile or a kind word for others and is genuine, even when others are rude, dismissive or just plain indifferent. Whether she’s singing in the choir or running with joy, or chatting with someone she’s met for the first time, her smile lights up a room. I think about Jesus telling his apostles they are the salt of the earth and light of the world in the gospel of Saint Matthew (5:14), our daughter is light. She has brought so much light to our lives. If the accident had been her fault, she would have had a difficult time with that. As it was she still felt badly that she had somehow let her teammates down. It was a bummer way to end her season.

She still smiled for pictures after. She still laughed and posed with her injuries with her coaches. It wasn’t until a few hours later and the next day that we realized she was a little more hurt than we hoped. She’s had two x-rays now for this injury, the last one just last week, for that hand that keeps hurting, the one she can’t do push-ups on, it’s not broken, worse she’s injured a ligament, those take longer to heal. She will be reminded of this fall every time that hand twinges or tweaks. She’ll recover but in the meantime, my heart hurts for her and my hand does too.

Chumbawamba in Tubthumping, says, “I get knocked down, but I get up again. You are never gonna keep me down.” Rocky says, “It’s not about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward.” There are a myriad of quotes about falling and getting back up again. I also think maybe sometimes people forget the other part, when you fall and get back up, you are changed. No one who falls is ever the same again. Whether it’s an injury that lingers or a memory that won’t leave you, you are never the same. It doesn’t matter if it’s a physical fall or a different type. Those clichés are supposed to be inspirational but where do they come from? Who provides the ultimate example of what you do when you fall? You can get back up but who are you now? How exactly do you move forward? No easy answers there, for anyone, I’m afraid and so I ask myself how did Jesus respond when he fell?

In my Catholic faith we have something called the Stations of the Cross. The Stations mark the journey of Jesus to his crucifixion. There are three falls. There are a total of 14 stations, at each station we remember and meditate on the journey of Jesus to the cross. Jesus falls for the first time in the 3rd station. We are encouraged to meditate on how Jesus continues to move forward, determined to carry out God’s plan for the salvation of the world. In the 7th station Jesus falls for the second time and we are encouraged to meditate on the sacrifice he is making for us. Finally, in the 9th station Jesus falls for the third time, weary and near death, our sweet Jesus gets back up and continues the Way of the Cross. We are encouraged to remember that he could have called out to his Father to ask for help but he accepted the Father’s plan. We are encouraged to remember we can’t travel the way forward without Jesus.

Can you be thankful for falls? I’m very thankful for Jesus, for his example of moving forward, even if it was to his death, in order to fulfill the Father’s plan. I mean who does that? Who would do that? Only someone who loved us more than life itself, Jesus. Falls can teach us and sure, most of the time people get back up. I got up and my daughter got back up and she even tried to keep running to the end of her race but when you get back up you aren’t the same as when you fell. You are either stronger and more determined that ever or you can end up regretful, sad and frozen in time. I want to always follow the example of Jesus and he promised that when you fall or when I fall He will always be right there by our side to help us move forward, we don’t have to do it alone and for that I can be grateful.

For the lessons falls teach us…I Give Thanks!

Running update: We have started our half marathon plan. I can’t say I’m 100% confident that we will be able to accomplish this goal but so far we’ve check all our runs off the training list. We are slow but we are moving forward.

Our skinny lazy river that we like to run by when there is water…we were on our way to this trail when I fell.
Our trail …

La Boulangerie…

On By runnergirl02In ThankfulnessLeave a comment

La Boulangerie is a little bistro where I live and I love it! A boulangerie is a bakery that specializes in bread, especially French style breads but from what I can tell they have every kind of bread, even Pan Dulce! My favorite is the Almond Croissant. Yummy!

I had never actually been here until last December 2023. In all my years of living and working here, for whatever reason it never occurred to me to walk in. If I’m totally honest, it looked a little ritzy, don’t know why I thought that, just did. Well I do know, but that’s a different post, maybe later. Anyway, since that day in December of 2023, it has become one of our favorite, lets sit and hang out places. I enjoy sitting outside on the patio or like today, inside by the big windows and starring outside, watching people come and go hearing the door open and close, watching the trees outside, today’s a little windy and so the leaves are rustling around with little drops of sunlight bouncing off them here and there. There’s ivy around the patio posts and all kinds of people to watch come and go and to wonder about. There is a crooked replica of the Eiffel Tower sparkling above one of the bakery cases that kind of makes me laugh and posters and pictures of other French cafes and bread around the walls. There’s old time jazz music playing, doesn’t seem particularly like French music but the kind you hear on period piece shows like When Calls the Heart, coming out of a phonograph while people waltz around. Old people, young people, groups of people and single people, of all races and I assume creeds having conversations or just sitting and enjoying a coffee and a treat. One lady we have seen the past two days sits in a corner with her magnifying glass and her puzzle and dictionary. She’s obviously a regular as every now and again someone will sit and chat with her and then she’ll be alone again and go back to her puzzle. I was thinking yesterday if I was alone but didn’t want to feel alone this café might be a pretty nice place to sit to do my puzzle and chat now and again, it’s that kind of place and today I am actually alone and it has been enjoyable to whittle away the morning here. It’s almost perfect except for the line! Sometimes there is no line but sometimes there is a really long line and if all you want is a coffee or iced tea the only real way to ensure you will get one is to get in the line.

I have actually been here everyday for the last three days counting today. My daughter and I usually need someplace to sit and spend a little time before her track practices on certain days and if she doesn’t have piano you’ll probably find us here, at least this week anyway. Today, this morning, I’m here again because of track, she has a meet. The League championships are today and so I took the day off school so I could go and cheer her and her team on to victory, which is usually measured in PR’s and sometimes a medal here or there.

I have had a thoroughly enjoyable morning with my almond milk cappuccino, breakfast sandwich and a couple of bites of an almond croissant. I am hopeful for the afternoon and eager to cheer for my daughter’s track team. It’s been a good day so far! Thinking on summer plans, writing in this journal, watching the blue sky through the trees, cars driving by and hoping the wind dies down before the track meet. I even got to read a few journals/blogs from other writers and I liked a few of them and a few I didn’t agree with at all but the writing was still good, even if the ideas were foreign to me. I also spent a bit of time missing a colleague from work who I recently found out passed away. His name was Patrick Casey, a wonderful English teacher who frequented this place, he was always kind to me, gave me some great advice on teaching once and I’ll miss running into him now and again. We weren’t particularly close, we talked here and there, but it’s sad to think he’s not here to run into anymore. You just think about things in a café like La Boulangerie because you actually have time to think about things, it’s that kind of place.

Anyway…so far today for La Boulangerie, my daughter having an early track meet, almond croissants and cappuccinos…I Give Thanks!

No running this AM but we ran yesterday AM and did stairs, hard run because I was tired but we got it done. KOR!

View from my window seat….

The crooked sparkly Eiffel Tower….

Birthdays

On By runnergirl02In Family, Food, ThankfulnessLeave a comment

I enjoy birthdays! Yesterday was my Mom’s birthday. My Mom has said that birthdays weren’t a big thing when she was growing up. My Mom has 5 sisters and 2 brothers. A brother and one sister have passed on now.

Growing up we celebrated birthdays with parties here and there. Most of the time, since my birthday was near the fair I was able to invite a friend or two and enjoy some time at the Fresno Fair. I can remember doing that at least twice. I had a big party for my 21st birthday. We had a DJ and it was a lot of fun. My Mom and my Nina made my favorite, Chicken Enchiladas, yum!

Today we celebrated my moms birthday with family and friends. I kind of invited more people than I thought, but Jason always says the more the merrier. We had a Berry Chantilly Cake! Have you ever had one? Go to Whole Foods and get a slice or even a whole cake, you won’t be disappointed 😉

My Mom seemed to have a nice time. I know she misses my Dad lots on days like her birthday. God was good to surround her with people who love her and who wanted her to have a nice day.

We celebrate lots of birthdays in my family and I love it. Birthdays mark time and provide a space for family and friends to come together to celebrate. When given the choice between a birthday party or a trip I almost always choose a party. I love my family. I love seeing them and celebrating happy days, like my birthday, with them.

I know not everyone celebrates birthdays with extended family and friends. Some people like to take a trip or enjoy a smaller gathering. I would challenge them/you if to consider what keeps families strong and together. It isn’t seeing each other twice a year, Christmas and Easter. It’s all the “little” opportunities to celebrate one another throughout the year. Birthdays for sure, but also graduations, baptisms, confirmations, First Communions, Weddings, anniversaries, Mothers’s Day, Father’s Day, Labor Day, 4th of July, so many excuses as the year ticks by to spend time with family and friends. Why wouldn’t anyone grab it?

It’s not guaranteed. Days aren’t guaranteed. No guarantee I’ll get another birthday or that my Mom will get another birthday or that anyone will get any other type of celebration. It could all be gone tomorrow, or the next day or in an hour. Birthdays are precious reminders of how short life is and that it should be celebrated!

So today for my Mom’s birthday…I give thanks!

We finally have picked a half marathon plan, for better or worse, just need to figure out when to start it…hoping my mile time will start dropping when we become more consistent…it takes grit to work your way back…I think we have it in us…I know we have it in us, hopefully God will grant us the gift of health so we can…Keep On Running….

My Mom’s Birthday Cake
Berry Chantilly …Yum!

October 23rd…

On By runnergirl02In ThankfulnessLeave a comment

Dates can be significant for good reasons, sad reasons and everything in between…

There’s a song by a favorite singer of ours called February 20th. It’s about the day the singers daughter asked Jesus to live in her heart. Three months later his little girl would be killed in a tragic accident caused by his own son. When I heard the news I left school early and went home to hug my little daughter who was 5 at the time. My daughter, like his, was adopted from China. The singer Steven Curtis Chapman had a small role in why we adopted from China and so I was so very sad for him and his family. It was a sad day, May 21st, 2008.

About a year later the artist released an album called, Beauty Will Rise. Early on I wondered if this loss would crush him and his family or if we’d even ever hear him sing again. The album answered that question. One of the songs is called Beauty will Rise, a lyric “out of these ashes Beauty will Rise.” The whole album spoke to me, helped me and it still does.

October 23rd, 2003, 20 years ago on this day, we lost our baby girl. Her name was Lauren Rose Penland. October is a hard month, so is September now, but October has always been an especially difficult month. Twenty years is a long time and at the same time not. The sadness is still there. The memories, terrible and vivid. It’s not a place to dwell for long, it’s a sad place, a dark place, a place void of hope or happiness, just dark. October 23rd, all the things I had planned were gone, just gone. No milestones, no graduations, holidays, no dancing with her Dad at her wedding, all gone, no hugs or kisses, an empty room, quiet, the door stayed closed for awhile.

I couldn’t sleep last night, some years are easier than others, this year not so easy. I see our daughter, her sister, celebrating all the milestones, navigating high school, sports, choir, driving, and I can’t help but wonder and wish that her sister was here to help her through these teenage years, or maybe they would be at odds, who knows? I’ll never know and that’s the hard part.

At first we took this day off but over the years it seemed harder to do, obligations, work usually or just wanting to stay busy, so today I went to school and taught and chatted with a couple of students who needed extra encouragement, called home to a few parents whose kids need to be talked to, went to a meeting that didn’t seem to have a point. I did all these things even though I really just wanted to stay home. I did them because I decided to ask God how he wanted to use me today, instead of living in my sadness and that is hard, living in my sadness is sometimes easier.

When I woke up this morning it was cloudy and gray. After school I ran around and did a few errands, nothing that really needed to be done, picked up my daughter, and headed to dinner with my Mom.

On our way home I remarked to my husband that the sun had come out, maybe I just noticed it and it had been out for awhile?

We saw a beautiful Sunset.

After dinner we helped a friend connect with another friend to pass along some treasured mementos that belonged to her Dad.

“This is not how is should be, this is not how it could be, but this is how it is, And Our God is in control…and we’ll sing Holy, Holy, Holy is our God..”

Today for beautiful Sunsets and songs that remind me…”Spring is Coming…” I Give Thanks!

No running today, back at it tomorrow…KOR

Guardian Angels and Baptisms!

On By runnergirl02In Biblical Reflections, Thankfulness, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Today is the feast day of our Guardian Angels. Angel means messenger.

If you grew up Catholic then chances are you learned this prayer growing up:

“Angel of God, My Guardian dear, To Whom God’s love entrust me here, Ever this day be at my side, To light, to guard, to rule and guide. Amen. “

Most Catholic kids learn this prayer by first grade. I went to a Catholic elementary school so I think I learned it in Kindergarten. The first prayer I ever learned was the Our Father and my Mom taught it to me. I remember I was kind of goofing around and she said in no uncertain terms that we do not goof around when we pray. I understood in that moment with my Mom all those years ago, prayer was important. I don’t think she actually knows that.

Angels are all throughout the bible. In Genesis 3:24, God placed an Angel with a flaming sword to guard the Garden of Eden and the Tree of Life. In Genesis 19, two Angels rescue Lot from Sodom. In Numbers 22:22-33 an Angel of the Lord blocks Balaam’s way. In the book of Judges the Angel of the Lord shows up and talks to Gideon and inspires him to battle to free Israel. In Daniel 6:22, “My God sent his angel and shut the lions mouth.” We meet Raphael in the book of Tobit, he helps Tobit’s son Tobiah on his quest to help his father. (If you aren’t Catholic you might not have this book in your bible, it got taken out after the reformation, it’s a good book, if you get a chance, you should definitely read it.) We meet Michael in Daniel, Jude and Revelation. We pray the St. Michaels prayer every Sunday before Mass.

“St. Michael, the Archangel, defend us in battle. Be our protection against wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him, we humbly pray; and do thou O prince of the heavenly host, by the power of God, cast out Satan and all evil spirits who prowl throughout the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.”

We meet Gabriel in Daniel and later in Luke, he speaks to Mary and Zechariah. An angel rolls back the stone at the resurrection. There were angels in the tomb who told Mary Magdalene that Jesus was gone. (John 20:12) When Jesus ascends into heaven two angels ask the apostles what they are looking at in the sky. Acts1:11. There are many more examples but I think you get the idea. In the Catechism of the Catholic Church sections 325-349 cover angels. This is from section 336 “From its beginning until death, human life is surrounded by their watchful care and intercession. Beside each believer stands an angel as protector and shepherd leading him to life. Already here on earth the Christian life shares by faith in the blessed company of angels and men united in God.” But don’t take my word or the word of the Catholic church, Jesus himself says there are angels and that he can summon them if he wants to, in Mathew 26:53. In Mathew 18:10 he says “see that you do not despise one of these little ones for I tell you that in heaven their angels always see the face of my Father who is in heaven.”

When I was 18 I was in a really bad roll over accident on the freeway. I hit a concrete barrier and flipped my car three times and it landed on its side. A truck driver from the opposite side of the freeway ran over and pulled me out of my wrecked car. I had one scratch. I should have died. Let me explain. Back in the 80’s there was no seat belt law and so when I learned to drive when I was 16, sometimes I wore my seatbelt and sometimes I didn’t. Sometimes to help my parents out I would take one of my siblings to school. The morning of the accident I took my little brother to school. We got in the car, a little Dodge Omni and I got ready to take off but before I put the car into gear I heard, “Debbie, put on your seatbelt.” It was odd but I listened and I put on my seatbelt. Twenty minutes later I was hanging by it on the side of the freeway. When the car first hit the barrier I thought a few things, first I thought, “Wow, so this is how it ends, so fast”, then I thought, “My Mom will be so sad,”, then I thought, ” I need to say the Our Father, if I make it to the part about forgiveness I’ll get to heaven,” then everything was black. I could feel glass and dirt hitting my face as I prayed and rolled. A lady pulled over and she was from my church and she hugged me and stayed with me and a man, I think a policemen, called my Mom at work and she came. If I didn’t put my seatbelt on I would have flown through the window of my car and I would have died or at least been severely injured. I was traveling at 65 miles an hour, just over the speed limit when it all happened. I went to work the next day and my co-worker found out that I was the one in the car she saw flipped over in the center divide of the freeway and she said, “I thought for sure whoever was in that car was dead.” I know God was with me for sure. I know the Holy Spirit told me to put on my seatbelt. I think my guardian angel covered me and held me in that car when I hit a cement barrier at 65 miles a hour, flipped three times and landed on the side, hanging from my seat belt. God sends his angels to guide and guard us. I was taught this from the time I was a little girl. I remember being afraid actually of sitting on mine somehow. Makes me laugh to think of that.

I’m sure many people have stories of angels. When my Dad died I could feel someone holding my hand during the Our Father and I thought it was my Dad, then I thought it was my Guardian Angel, later I decided it was Jesus, because he promised he was close to the broken-hearted. In the end, I don’t spend too much time wondering any more because whoever it is that holds my hand is either God or from God and I’m ok with that.

The beginning of our Creed goes like this, “I believe in God, the Father almighty, maker of heaven and earth, of all things visible and invisible…” it continues on from there, the point being there’s a whole invisible world we can’t see and that world includes angels and my Dad. When Father John came out from the hospital after giving my Dad his last rites, he told me that my Dad was part of the invisible not the absent. When Jason’s Dad died, Jason told me it gave him comfort to repeat the end of our Creed, “I look forward to the resurrection of the dead and the life of the world to come.” I wonder at the things we can’t see and I’m glad God has sent each one of us our own angel to watch over us.

Another great thing that happened today is that one of my students got baptized yesterday! He attends a church called Foundation 365 and I wanted to go support him, but it didn’t work out. This morning, however, he was so excited and he gave me a hug because he knows I’m a Christian and I got to congratulate him and give him a card I had written for him. I got to see pictures of his baptism and was just so excited for him. I promised to pray for him so if you are reading this please pray for him too! Our youth have so much against them. I watch my own beautiful daughter struggle with thoughts that are not from God. Thoughts that tell her she is unworthy, un-liked, unloved, even though there is ample evidence that this is not true. I tell her we have to train our minds to trust in and hope in God’s words and its not easy so I’m glad my student will be able to recall his baptism when life gets difficult and remember whose he is. I hope he will continue to learn about all the love God has for him. I can only answer questions about God when the kids ask me directly. I’m glad he asked if I was a Christian and I’m happy he shared his baptism with me.

For today for Guardian Angels and Baptisms…I Give Thanks!

We ran only 2miles today but we managed to keep with our 30/30 and 1/30 run/walk intervals so that was good…doing better everyday!

KOR

This is the neighbors cat…he likes to join us on our runs…he’s really a tripping hazard but so cute!

Braces…

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I haven’t written here in a long time and so many many things good, sad and bad have happened….

Today is a busy day. My daughter is getting her braces off! She is super excited. It’s been a long process exacerbated by this thing we call the Pandemic (bad thing, very bad) but today off they come.

After a little conversation about whether or not a small space between her bottom teeth matters, we determined it should be ok. I hope it will be. Actually, I’m a little concerned about whether or not we made the right choice. I wish Jason was here so he could share the blame if it was the wrong choice. Here’s where I would insert a crying laughing emoji if I knew how…

So here we are in May, 2021 and we seem to be at the tail end of a Pandemic that has upended everyone’s daily life. Those words aren’t even a good description of what this thing has done to most people. I don’t really want to write about the Pandemic. I don’t want to write about how we lost my Dad during it, how I cry and miss him everyday since he’s been gone, how I feel a huge responsibility for my Mom now and how I feel I’m failing most days. I don’t want to write about how the Pandemic messed up schools, made kids even more unsocial and more doubting of the wonderful people they were created to be. I don’t want to write about how it upended church, how with no science that made any sense my daughter was not allowed to attend her Grandpa’s funeral service because we could only have ten people in a church that normally fits 900, an arbitrary number set by the God-less state I live in. I started going to daily Mass when my dad first ended up in the hospital, it was outside, and I haven’t stopped since, it’s inside now. I would be an even bigger mess without Jesus. I don’t feel like writing about all the sleepless nights and restless days. I don’t want to write about the anxiety we had as we celebrated the holidays with a small subset of family because I needed things to feel a little bit normal as I mourned my beloved Daddy and missed him and wanted him to not be gone but to be here with us to celebrate so many good things. There were still good things and blessings happening during this Pandemic. We still celebrated with our family, Thanksgiving (outside), Christmas with testing and masks, and New Years all against the local health departments “orders”. If I had listened to the health department I would have missed a lot more than seven days with my dad. I would have missed his last Easter, birthday, Father’s Day, etc… If I had listened to our over-zealous divisive media I wouldn’t have seen my parents for months all for no good reason because none of us were sick. I don’t want to write about or argue about the governments over step and over reach into the lives of its citizens in the name of protecting us from that which is inevitable for every single soul. Last time I checked the mortality rate for a human was 100%. I don’t want to write about how we were kept from our Dad for the last seven days of his life because the hospital was worried we would either give him Covid or get Covid, that was until they needed a signature to make someone financially responsible for the autopsy bill, then they let me into the hospital and all the way up to the floor he was on to sign the paper but didn’t let me see him to say good-bye. I don’t want to write about how my Dad was so afraid of going to the hospital or to any doctor for that matter that I believe if they (the media) hadn’t terrified everyone he might have gone in to get care sooner. I don’t want to write about the fact that they tested my Dad three times for Covid, once after he had passed. They seemed to really want him to have it instead of the heart attack he died from while they were busy making sure he didn’t have Covid. I don’t want to write about how angry or sad I get when I think about how we lost my Dad.

Today I just want to write about my daughter because she is so happy to be getting her braces off. Such a simple normal thing to be happy about. I like that and I am grateful for that. My beautiful daughter is graduating from 8th grade in a couple of weeks. How did we get here? She is such a blessing. Even if I wasn’t her mom I would think she was a kind loving young lady with a good moral character and understanding of right and wrong. Does she like to clean her room? No, she’s not a saint…yet…and she’s pretty messy in general but in all the ways that matter, I see a soul always looking to God for guidance and trusting in His love for her and that makes me so very happy. I am praying daily that as she navigates these teen years she will continue to seek His face and know and understand her value and worth is found in Jesus. This little gal of ours continues to be a reminder to me of God’s endearing love for us and so for that I am also grateful…

So kind of a weird journal entry…it’s all I have for now as I really should be grading papers, well not papers but digital assignments and I’m trying to plan a fun taco party for my department, they were all so helpful and lovely when my Dad passed away I want to do something for them…I can hear my daughter in the other room…the braces are off, can’t wait to see her beautiful smile!!

So today for the removal of braces, God’s enduring love…and tacos!! I Give Thanks!!

KOR

It’s My Birthday! PSAT

On By runnergirl02In ThankfulnessLeave a comment

Ha!  I almost never go around saying “It’s My Birthday!”  Today I did and it was for a silly reason.

I had to work!  I had to give the PSAT at school and in the past I have had kids behave poorly.  This year the PSAT landed on my birthday and so I told the kids, “Hey guys, we have the PSAT on Wednesday, so please behave because it’s my birthday!”  They actually did pretty well but I still ended up with a migraine by the end of it all.

My sweet husband took half the day to take me to see a favorite movie, Downton Abby.  he brought me my  favorite pumpkin colored roses and lily’s! We had a taco lunch with other teachers from my department to celebrate my birthday and birthdays past.  It was a fast lunch but nice to see them.  A good friend who called me to wish me a “Happy Birthday” came and joined us, it was so nice to see her.  She helped a lot!  My co-worker, who is also an old student of mine made some really cool science themed birthday cards for everyone, so talented.

I had many phone calls today from my parents, my sister and brother, friends and my Australian daughter and another student who I think of as a son.

It was a lovely day.

Someday’s I can get sad and overwhelmed.  I think I am a bit on the anxious-worried side.  The world moves to fast or the news stores are too sad or some politician or this or that person is loud and vexatious to my spirit.  Sometimes it feels like everyone is too busy to be bothered or to bother with me.

I forget that God is always there for me.  Always waiting for me to share my day with Him and waiting for me to listen to Him.  Of course, I know He is there but sometimes I can’t find him.  Days when I wake up before the sun and am lying in bed worried about this or that and wondering where He is and why He hasn’t answered yet.  On days when I wake up and look ahead too far to the future worried about an end that isn’t certain wondering why I can’t rest peacefully in Him and trust in His love.

I heard Him loud and clear today.  You are loved.  You are valuable.  I love You.  Happy Birthday.  I heard Him through my friends and family, through my beautiful husband and daughter.  Today I was less sad and less anxious and worried because I felt Him close by in a tangible and loving way and I am so very thankful for this beautiful blessing.  He always seems to know when I need Him, when I need to hear from Him.  I am so grateful to Him today.

Of course, I think He’s always there and I’m just not always so great at noticing, but today I noticed and I hope to spend the rest of my life, whatever is left,  serving Him however I can because I love Him.  I look forward to the day when I will be with Him forever.  I bet it will be a lot like today.

Every day won’t be like today, the sadness will come back but today is a good day and I will rejoice in Him for it.

Today for my heavenly Father who gave me my very life and for the gift of all the wonderful people He placed into my life…I Give Thanks!

KOR!

Here’s a favorite song…I hope you enjoy it and I hope you know Him!

I Can Only Imagine

U-turns

On By runnergirl02In running, Thankfulness, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Today is a track day for my daughter.  My husband and I walk the track while she runs it.  I hope it doesn’t rain.

The end of the school year is often a frustrating event for many reasons.  It’s also bittersweet and full of fun activities.

We are about three weeks out from this years “end”.  My daughter gets out next Wednesday actually, a whole two weeks before me.

The kids are kinda loopy.  They have taken their AP Exams and are ready to be done with school.  I could go on a rant about things that aren’t great but I won’t.  Instead I’ll share what I’m thankful for today.

A note from a student.  He is in my AP Chem class.  Sweet kid.  Smart.  Mostly kind.  Unfortunately, not motivated to be in my class at all.  He will likely end the class with a C, which he has earned but he should have earned a B or A.  He just would not work.  I could not get him to work to save my life or his. Today I got a note from him.  The AP Government class often has the seniors write notes to their teachers.  I got a note from him and it was a sweet note, not just because he said Thank You, but because in the note he was able to see that he had not been the greatest student in my class this year.  His Personhood… awesome, studenthood…not so awesome.  I really liked that he was able to explain that he knew he could be better and do better.  I really think that is an important attribute in kids, to be able to recognize their errors, reflect on them and correct them, without an adult pointing them out.

I spent an afternoon recently discussing Judas with my daughter.  She was sharing different theories people had about him.  She asked where I thought Judas had gone wrong.  I told her that I believed Judas’s biggest mistake was not being able to believe that Jesus could or would forgive him.  I told her that even more than taking money for ratting Jesus out, Judas’s grave error was in not understanding the mercy and grace Jesus offered him.  If Judas had asked for Jesus’s forgiveness as he hung dying on the cross I am convinced Jesus would have given it.  I told her I wanted her to remember that no matter what happens in her life, that if she somehow ends up on road she didn’t mean to travel that God always always always allows U-turns and that she should never ever forget that.  I think its important for us all to remember that Jesus loves us, died for us and will always forgive us.  He died for our sins, all the ones we have committed and all the ones we will commit.  They are cleansed in his blood. We should never be so arrogant as to think we are above His grace and mercies. We should never be so arrogant to believe that other people aren’t worthy of His grace and mercies.  They are offered equally to everyone.  The very best and the very worst of humanity.  That’s what makes God such a mystery. His love incomprehensible at times.

Anyway today for a God that allows U-turns, people who learn from their mistakes and become better people, for having more time to write lately, for track practice because it gives me some extra exercise…I Give Thanks!

KOR

Hills!

On By runnergirl02In running, Thankfulness, UncategorizedLeave a comment

My daughter joined a track club last month. She has been enjoying the workouts. So far I like her coach. She’s positive and encouraging. She encourages the parents to do the workouts too and so we did our first hill workout in about two years tonight. Hill repeats. Up the hill, down the hill, repeat. I think we were supposed to do it six times but we only managed five, which I felt good about. I was injured for a long time and I’ve actually been afraid to run hills because I was worried about my knee but the knee feels great and I feel great knowing I was able to push myself. We met some other parents tonight who also live in our town and so that was fun too!

I have always loved how encouraging and supportive the running community is. I wanted that atmosphere for our daughter. Running is more about personal goals, being the best you can be in practice and races. I LOVE Running! Tonight I remembered how much I really loved this sport and why:-)

To top it all off, it was a beautiful spring night. Green and flowers as far as the eye could see. Just more of, WOW, Everything is a gift from God moments. It was a great way to end a Monday.

Today for Running, Hills and Beautiful spring evenings…I Give Thanks!

KOR

Here’s a picture of the sunset at the park where we ran tonight!