Tag: Friends

Trees…

On By runnergirl02In ThankfulnessLeave a comment

I love trees. I love almost all trees. I don’t love my neighbors tree, which spills over into our backyard and deposits its leaves and flowers on our patio every spring, but I don’t hate it either.

I’ve been longing to see some tall trees. Today we had a day off from school so we drove over to Henry Cowell Redwoods State Park. It’s a really beautiful state park with lots of trails, camping and beautiful trees. The sky was blue overhead, the ground was soft and slightly muddy here and there from the rain last week, should have worn my hiking boots. The trail is a short one, it takes you around a little less than a mile into a Redwood forest canopy. Before we knew it we were shivering because it was cold!

We like to read the trail brochure at every stop and we enjoy looking for any creatures that might happen to be around. Today we were looking for the elusive banana slug! Just when we thought we would not see one, there it was laying on a tree stump. Ok, so they aren’t totally pretty but they are California’s State Slug, yes we have a state slug now, the Banana Slug.

So I enjoy a drive when I’m sad and I’ve been sad. Sometimes you just kind of have to power through the days. School doesn’t stop, things your family needs don’t stop, and time has no intention or interest in giving you a breather. Sometimes you just have to force time to your will and say No, I think we’ll take a break and see some trees and the sea, and so we did just that.

I’m still sad but I have many valid reasons to be sad. My daughter had a friend pass away a few weeks ago. Her halted cries and shallow breath while she tried to get the words out to tell me are a vivid memory. I’m grateful to be the person she calls and I was sad that I could not leave where I was, hop in the car and drive to her and hug her and tell her I love her and how so sorry I was for her. Jesus was good to me that day and she was surrounded by many friends and teachers who were His arms for her, until mine also could be.

If that wasn’t enough, her sweet kitty, who she has had since she was 2 passed away. He had been sick but we thought he was making a recovery and he was but it didn’t stick, he relapsed I guess and it was time for him to leave us. Another sadness, each one adding to all the others. I’ve already written about our other losses this fall and winter so I won’t rehash those. Sure do miss that cat though.

Then there’s my poor sister. She’s been struggling health wise for awhile and then in August she started to lose her ability to walk and has gotten progressively worse. The doctors say she needs a surgery, if she doesn’t have it, she will continue to get worse until she is a paraplegic. If she has it, she has a 70% chance of recovery, better than 0, but not a guarantee, but I guess there aren’t many guarantees in life.

Then there’s our sweet friends who decided to move to Georgia, who moves to Georgia? Our friends apparently. Jim has been the choir leader at my church for over 4 decades. I was in his choir when I was a young teen getting ready for confirmation through part of college. I quit when I got married. My Dad continued to sing in the choir for the next 3 decades. He passed away in 2020 and Jim welcomed me back to sing with the choir, it was a lifeline. I could feel close to my Dad by doing something he did every week for decades and it was a familiar and safe environment. When music was first allowed back, during Covid, we had to practice at Jim’s house, like we did when I was younger. Because of Covid we actually would record the songs and they would be played at church, because while we could have singing it couldn’t be live, it was a questionable Covid “rule”, there were many, including the dumb ones that kept us from my Dad as he lie dying alone away from the family who loved him. For the past 4 years, Jim’s choir has helped me heal and feel close to my Dad, so I was sad when he said he was leaving his home and church to move to Georgia. It is a painful loss for me to go from seeing someone who knew my Dad every week to maybe not again for a long while. Not to mention his voice, truly a gift from God. I will miss hearing him sing. He sang at our wedding and our 25th wedding anniversary. He sang at my Uncle Joe’s funeral, my Aunt Alice’s funeral, Bella’s Dad’s funeral, my Dad’s funeral. Happy or sad, Jim was there.

I’m not real sure what’s going on right now. I can’t see the plan through the tears. “The Lord is close to the broken hearted.” I gave my daughter that verse when her friend passed, hold on to it I told her, time to take my own advice and remember I’m not alone.

Deep breathe, “Forward, Always Forward, God will Provide.”

Today for drives, trees and the sea that soothe my weary soul…I Give Thanks…

Long run still at 4 miles…hoping to increase next week and find a 5K to do. KOR

Redwoods…
The elusive Banana Slug…
The sea…
Starbucks…sure do miss you kitty. ❤️

Her name is Emily…

On By runnergirl02In ThankfulnessLeave a comment

I met Emily when I met my friend Tina. Emily is her Mom, but over the years Emily has become a loved member of our family.

Emily has been in hospice for a few months now and it seems she’ll be headed home soon.

I have many happy memories with Emily, baking Empanadas with her and my daughter. Listening to her stories and listening to her be upset about things. Listening to her talk about her flowers and plants. Eating her food! If you went to visit she would always feed you, whether you wanted to eat or not.

Emily has been a good friend to my Mom, especially since my Dad’s been gone.

Some people you wish would live with you forever. I don’t want her to leave us. She’s 98, such a long beautiful life but things are a bit rough for her here at the end. I hope God takes her peacefully into His light.

She has the best hugs in the world, and she loves like Jesus. I see Jesus in Emily.

I love you Emily and we will miss you so very much.

Today for Emily…I Give Thanks!

Finding Blessings Amidst Fall’s Challenges

On By runnergirl02In Thankfulness, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Phew…this has been an interesting fall so far….

Fall is not my favorite season, it’s not a hated season either, it just seems if something is going to go wrong in my world, it always goes wrong in Fall. Big things, little things…ALL the things.

Our good friend Emily, like a Great-Grandma to Laina, a Grandma to us is in hospice. She is 98 years old and just wish she would fall asleep and wake up in heaven, but she’s going through some suffering before she leaves this world of ours and it hurts my heart, especially for her daughter. Her daughter is Laina’s God-Mother, sweet lady who I met many years ago through my own mom and now she’s part of our family 🙂

My uncle, who is 82, has been diagnosed with Stage 4 Colon and Liver cancer. The primary source was the Colon. He’s done one chemo treatment, ended up in rehab because he was in hospital so long he was weak and having trouble walking but he should be coming home this Wednesday and then back to Chemo. We will see how it goes. He was always kind to me and I hope he doesn’t suffer too much.

My sister-in-law’s mother is in ICU in a medically induced coma because she is having seizures that won’t stop. They had to move her up to Sacramento because they couldn’t help her at the hospital she was in. After just speaking with my brother, my sister-in-law’s Mama seems to be on her way from this world, please bring peace and comfort to her family.

My Dad passed away on September 19th, 2020. My Aunt, his sister, one of my very favorites, a big part of our family, passed away September 9th, 2022. Our baby daughter, Lauren Rose, went to heaven on October 23rd. As you can see Fall is not and has not been kind. I don’t look forward to Fall. I was even sick for my birthday this year! I should have stayed home sick but went to work because I only have so much sick leave and I want to save it so I can attend our daughter’s events. Sigh…

Despite all these sad things, I do try to look at the blessings. The weather is getting cooler and the mornings are like I like them, crisp and pleasant. My brother and sister called to wish me a Happy Birthday, and so did my Mom, and while my students did not know it was my birthday they were good taht day! Pumpkins! I love pumpkins, they are fun to decorate with and look for in a pumpkin patch which we’ve done a few times. Fairs, I enjoy the fairs, in the Fall, visiting the exhibits and seeing the animals, eating the food! Cross Country! My daughter is on her school team and I enjoy watching her run, going to meets, and cheering her on to be her best. Fall concerts for choir. My daughter is in her school’s Chamber Choir and man they are a beautiful choir, so nice to sit and listen to them sing God’s praises on a weekday night. Sunday brunch with family, a long-standing tradition, continues. What a blessing to see my brother, sister, nieces, and nephews almost every Sunday! Time spent with family is a treasure to be sure. We were able to drive down to the coast this past Saturday and it was a beautiful day. Playing frisbee on the beach with my love so fun! Attending Mass at St. Angela’s in PG is always a treat, even if we can never manage to attend their SAMDAG fundraiser, it’s fun to hear about it every year around this time.

I’m not really sure if the good things outweigh the bad things or if I’m seeing it all wrong. I’m sure it’s the latter. Do you ever wish God would just give you a little glimpse to see how it’s all going to turn out? I do, a lot. So I try to turn to his word, it doesn’t always help but I try to remind myself of all His promises and even though that doesn’t always work and it doesn’t always fix the sadness, it’s what I have.

Jesus prays for us in John, Chapter 17. In verse 26 he says, “I made known to them your name and I will make it known, that the love with which you loved me may be in them and I in them.” Jesus desires to be in us and with us, this is what He said. In verse 24 he says, “Father, they are your gift to me. I wish that where I am they also may be with me. He called us his gift. In Mathew 28:20, Jesus says, “And behold, I am with you always, until the end of the age.” He’s talking to his disciples in all these passages but He is also talking those who have been baptized in Christ, His beloved. One of my favorite passages in Matthew is Mathew 6:25 where Jesus talks about where to put our trust. He says, “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat (or drink), or about your body, what you will wear.” Jesus doesn’t want us to worry, but to trust in Him, even when the outcome is uncertain and not what we ever wanted or hoped for.

“Oh my sweet Jesus, hear my prayer to you this day, that you would be with all our loved ones and lead them home to you. If they must suffer, may it be short, and may we unite it to your suffering on the cross as we remember the life you gave for us. We don’t understand this life or where it leads and even when we think we do, we don’t see it all, please guard us from the evil one and keep us close to you always. Sweet Jesus, my brother and God my Father, never leave our side and bring us home to you when our race is run. Amen.”

For Jesus, I can always give thanks….

I’ve been sick. Running was going pretty good until a few weeks back, getting back to it, the schedule got thrown off, but we are still doing what we can when we can. Our long run right now is a pretty solid 6 miles, so hopeful to increase this as the weeks go by. Hoping to run a 5k sometime soon. KOR

My favorite spot to relax in God’s love…

A rainbow I saw that reminds me no matter the storms of life, God is always with me…

Haven’t Been Here in Awhile!

On By runnergirl02In Biblical ReflectionsLeave a comment

Well it seems like that is an obvious statement.  I used to have a blog over on Multiply and I met a few nice people over there but slowly they all went their separate ways and so did I.  I’ve played around with a few other spaces to blog here and there, mostly Livejournal but it’s been even longer since I have logged into that site.  I have an old friend whose blog I came across the other day and started thinking maybe I should get back to mine, instead of scrolling around on hers.  We aren’t friends anymore, sadly.  After Trump was elected president we had a disagreement about Kim Jong Un, the North Korean dictator.  She was upset that the president threatened them with “fire and fury”, at least that’s what I think she was upset about.  Anyway, at the time I didn’t see the big deal, the president was still fairly new and his rhetoric well known so I wasn’t concerned.  To be honest, I can’t tell you for sure that I understand what made her so upset, all I know is she unfriended me on Facebook and hasn’t talked to me since.  Go figure, sometimes there’s just nothing to be done.  I miss her though.   We both shared certain traits that made it easy to relate and understand, a similar world view you might say.  Well, a world view, at least where God is at the center, though I’m not certain of that now.  Seems to be so easily tossed aside, maybe we didn’t share anything?

If I think about that situation too long I get sad, not because I think I did something wrong but because I don’t understand how you just toss away a friend.  A friend who went to visit you when you were doing chemo, who changed vacation plans so her and her family could be there to support.  A friend who shared her heart with you.  A friend who loved you.  I have grown too old, maybe, to believe that I am not worthy of better from a “friend”.  I’m not a perfect person but I try my best to follow God and do good things.  I feel I am deserving of a friend who loves me and doesn’t consider me toss away material.  I feel that strongly and so I don’t think I’ll ever talk to her again because that would require her to realize what she did and apologize.  I have noticed not very many people are willing to apologize when they are wrong.  I’ve noticed even fewer who actually think they are wrong. It’s a crazy time we live in, isn’t it?

So what kind of friend do I deserve?  If I look at the bible, it tells me I am “fearfully and wonderfully made.”  The Bible tells me I am “God’s beloved.” It also says not to “fear” and to “have faith.” Other bible verses about friendship:

1 Thessalonians 5:11

“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.”

Proverbs 27:6

“Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.”

1 Peter 4:8-10

“Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace:”

Hebrews 10:24-25

“And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.”

Romans 1:12

“That is, that we may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith, both yours and mine.”

Proverbs 27:10

“Do not forsake your friend and your father’s friend, and do not go to your brother’s house in the day of your calamity. Better is a neighbor who is near than a brother who is far away.”

Job 2:11-13

“Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this evil that had come upon him, they came each from his own place, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite. They made an appointment together to come to show him sympathy and comfort him. And when they saw him from a distance, they did not recognize him. And they raised their voices and wept, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads toward heaven. And they sat with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great.”

There are more verses about friendship in the Bible but if I take all of these and look for common themes, a few emerge, like, love, encouragement, presence, empathy, faithfulness.  These are hard virtues to come by these days in a friend but when I’m looking for answers I think God always has the best ones.  His words never lead me astray and so I have come to the sad conclusion that even though my friend also loves God, our friendship was not meant for Earth.  There is too much noise here to see past each others motives.

Not exactly upbeat thoughts to start blogging about but it’s a start and hopefully I”ll be back and writing more.  I’m out of time for today.

Things I’m thankful for today:  I was able to put out a fire in my classroom.  My sister’s wedding is almost here.  The class I substituted for today was good.  My husband.  My knee is getting better so I will run again soon.

For these things…IGT!

KOR!

Geese

On By runnergirl02In UncategorizedLeave a comment

I haven’t actually blogged in a really really long time.  I actually have a blog on LiveJournal of a similar name but there seemed to me something refreshing about starting all over again…something I read this Sunday…”a new creation”

So there is this pond that I pass on the way to my parent’s house and every year we love to watch a pair of Canada Geese that live there.  I’m not quite sure they are the exact same pair but we look forward to spring when the eggs hatch and those cute little fluffy ducklings show up with their parents.  This year a pair of White Geese have joined the mother and father and seem to be surrogate parents of sort.  I’m sad to report that of the three baby geese we originally saw only one seems to be left. There is another pair of rather strange looking ducks that live also with the two different types of geese but they mostly keep to themselves.  This little hybrid family reminds me of my own family.  We are a strange mix, if all you look at is the outside.  If you look at the inside then you see we are all really the same.  I suspect it’s the same with these geese.

I came across some old cards and letters today.  I didn’t have time to read them all but as I read through them it seems that I read things I hadn’t read before.  It was like I couldn’t remember this person ever expressing that particular sentiment to me.  When I stopped to think about it, I realized it wasn’t that the thought was never expressed, it was more along the lines that I wasn’t ready to hear it, for whatever strange reason.  It got me wondering…How many times has someone tried to tell me they loved me or cared for me and how many times did I just not choose to see it? This got me thinking about God of course and how often he is screaming at us, shouting his love to us and we either have chosen to ignore it or aren’t ready to acknowledge it.  Maybe we are afraid to know there is someone or some God who really truly loves us?  Maybe we let little disappointments cloud our judgment, add a piece to the “wall”?

Have you ever let a disappointment or a perceived slight keep you from loving someone or some God?  I have.  I have done this both with friends and stupidly with God.  I have left friendships alone when I felt I wasn’t needed or wanted.  I have stopped praying to God when my prayers weren’t answered the way I wanted them to be.  Isn’t it interesting though that God will wait until we are ready to come back to Him, in fact, He will actively seek us out and drive us toward Him, like the Great Shepherd that He is.  Human friends won’t always do that but I guess that’s what makes us human.  We are called to love unconditionally but we fail at this commandment every day.  We fail at it because we do  not understand the unconditional love God has for us.  “He is jealous for me, Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree, Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.  When all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory and I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affection is for me.” Lyrics to a song by John Mark McMillan, the chorus of which is “How He Loves Us” repeated over several times.  I guess we spend most of our life learning this lesson.  I guess while we run around thinking life is about getting this, becoming this, earning this, the endless chorus of  “How I Love Me” running around in our heads there He is, sometimes softly, sometimes loudly with electric guitars blaring, begging us to see Him, to hear Him, while we run around wondering why we feel so lost, so afraid, why we think our friends don’t love us anymore?

Today I’m thankful for remembering the love of a friend…a fun guitar lesson…always my Jason, my Laina and my family but mostly today I’m thankful for that huge cry of unconditional love.  Why would God beg for me to know he loves me?  That’s the mystery isn’t it?

Keep on running….