Forward

On February 26, 2025February 27, 2025 By runnergirl02In ThankfulnessLeave a comment

A few years ago, probably more than a few years, but, it feels like a few years, I started picking a word for the year. I read about it in some article, I don’t even remember where or who the article was written by, or maybe I saw it on an early morning television show? I guess it doesn’t matter.

Earlier this year I was talking to my husband, and I was asking him if he picked a word, sometimes he does and sometimes he doesn’t. One year, he picked kiss for his word. I asked him why, he said, “because I don’t kiss you enough”, which I thought was sweet. He’s sweet like that. Nothing struck him because he hasn’t mentioned a word to me. Nothing struck me either because it’s almost March and I still did not have a word but over the last couple of weeks a word keeps popping up over and over, or maybe it’s just a frame of mind?

It’s not like it was bothering me that I didn’t have a word. It seems sometimes, a thought percolates in the back of your mind and just keeps percolating until something pops up.

Over the last few weeks, the word/idea of forward keeps popping up, in likely places, like church, in unlikely places, like a random conversation with a random person. I think Jesus talked to us a lot about living in the present and moving forward with faith. I think He talked about those things because He knew it was human nature to look ahead, look behind and to get stuck. A friend once told me that when you look ahead, you can feel anxious. When you look behind, you can feel sad. When you stay in the present it is harder for those feelings to attack you. I have actually found this to be very true.

You can find passages all over the bible in the Old and New Testaments with this idea of moving forward. In Philippians 3:13-14, it says, “ forgetting what lies behind but straining forward to what lies ahead, I continue my pursuit toward the goal, the prize of God’s upward calling, in Christ Jesus. In Isaiah 43: 18-19 it says, “Remember not the events of the past, the things of long ago consider not; See , I am doing something new!” There are many more. I find it interesting that this theme is running throughout the length of the Bible and I find it very comforting.

Today, I had to take my sweet husband to Urgent Care. He woke up clammy and weak, said he was dizzy, and things were spinning. Last time that happened he ended up passing out in the bathroom and I had to call an ambulance, so I called in a substitute and told him I’d drive him over to Urgent Care. I didn’t get a lot of push back, which was unusual, so I knew he was not feeling well. I was worried, we haven’t had much luck this season, it’s been tough. All I could think selfishly was that I needed him to be ok, I needed nothing to be seriously wrong, because through this particular season of loss we have been through, he has been steady and true, comforting and loving and always reminding me that God always takes care of us. He has a steady and sure faith in God, a love for Jesus and I love this about him.

As we get older, I start to worry we have fewer days together in front of us, than behind and since the statistics aren’t on my side, I wonder how I would ever navigate this weary world without him. I hope not to find out anytime soon.

So we have been facing many challenges lately, I think Jesus is telling me to keep a forward mindset this year. To keep this word in front of me. Forward.

“Forward always Forward, God Will Provide”

So today for Jesus who speaks so clearly, for sending me this word, Forward and for my husband…I Give Thanks!

Long run up to 5 miles this past weekend. We want to find a race to run, but my daughter has track meets almost every Saturday in March, so we’ll see. KOR

Running our long run by our River Trail…

Visited a new to me beach…lots of room to run, looking forward to staying over for a run!

Singing

On February 16, 2025February 17, 2025 By runnergirl02In Biblical Reflections, ThankfulnessLeave a comment

Yesterday was the Valentine’s concert at my daughter’s school. I guess it’s been around for 10 years, they were celebrating a decade of concerts. They are fun to watch. The kids all sing really well. It’s hard to get up on a stage, in front of family, friends, and peers and perform. I think it’s harder for some kids than others but in the end it’s always a fun thing to enjoy. We’ve enjoyed it for the last 4 years, 3 of them our daughter has gotten to sing in, last night was the last one with our sweet girl, Senior Year, boo and yay, depending on the moment.

It was a nice break, for a few hours from all the sad. Although, there’s always still a bit of sad involved in events like these. I was missing my Dad lots. I couldn’t figure out a way to get my Mom to the earlier performance and get back in time for the late performance, so that was a bummer. My Dad would have been there, of course, he never missed our important events. I also lost a gold hoop earring my Dad and Mom gave me when I was younger, maybe I’ll find it, fingers crossed.

My friend was able to go with her daughter and cheer Laina on. I was grateful she came. She came even though she lost her own Daddy less than a week ago. Friends do that for each other and I am thankful for her kindness and love to my daughter, even in the midst of her own sadness. It’s hard to find people like that these days.

For fun Valentine Concerts and sweet friends… I Give Thanks!

Long run yesterday 4.3…it was a pretty morning, we’ll aim for 5 next week. KOR

Designs on the beach from last week…pretty 🙂

Trees…

On February 11, 2025February 12, 2025 By runnergirl02In ThankfulnessLeave a comment

I love trees. I love almost all trees. I don’t love my neighbors tree, which spills over into our backyard and deposits its leaves and flowers on our patio every spring, but I don’t hate it either.

I’ve been longing to see some tall trees. Today we had a day off from school so we drove over to Henry Cowell Redwoods State Park. It’s a really beautiful state park with lots of trails, camping and beautiful trees. The sky was blue overhead, the ground was soft and slightly muddy here and there from the rain last week, should have worn my hiking boots. The trail is a short one, it takes you around a little less than a mile into a Redwood forest canopy. Before we knew it we were shivering because it was cold!

We like to read the trail brochure at every stop and we enjoy looking for any creatures that might happen to be around. Today we were looking for the elusive banana slug! Just when we thought we would not see one, there it was laying on a tree stump. Ok, so they aren’t totally pretty but they are California’s State Slug, yes we have a state slug now, the Banana Slug.

So I enjoy a drive when I’m sad and I’ve been sad. Sometimes you just kind of have to power through the days. School doesn’t stop, things your family needs don’t stop, and time has no intention or interest in giving you a breather. Sometimes you just have to force time to your will and say No, I think we’ll take a break and see some trees and the sea, and so we did just that.

I’m still sad but I have many valid reasons to be sad. My daughter had a friend pass away a few weeks ago. Her halted cries and shallow breath while she tried to get the words out to tell me are a vivid memory. I’m grateful to be the person she calls and I was sad that I could not leave where I was, hop in the car and drive to her and hug her and tell her I love her and how so sorry I was for her. Jesus was good to me that day and she was surrounded by many friends and teachers who were His arms for her, until mine also could be.

If that wasn’t enough, her sweet kitty, who she has had since she was 2 passed away. He had been sick but we thought he was making a recovery and he was but it didn’t stick, he relapsed I guess and it was time for him to leave us. Another sadness, each one adding to all the others. I’ve already written about our other losses this fall and winter so I won’t rehash those. Sure do miss that cat though.

Then there’s my poor sister. She’s been struggling health wise for awhile and then in August she started to lose her ability to walk and has gotten progressively worse. The doctors say she needs a surgery, if she doesn’t have it, she will continue to get worse until she is a paraplegic. If she has it, she has a 70% chance of recovery, better than 0, but not a guarantee, but I guess there aren’t many guarantees in life.

Then there’s our sweet friends who decided to move to Georgia, who moves to Georgia? Our friends apparently. Jim has been the choir leader at my church for over 4 decades. I was in his choir when I was a young teen getting ready for confirmation through part of college. I quit when I got married. My Dad continued to sing in the choir for the next 3 decades. He passed away in 2020 and Jim welcomed me back to sing with the choir, it was a lifeline. I could feel close to my Dad by doing something he did every week for decades and it was a familiar and safe environment. When music was first allowed back, during Covid, we had to practice at Jim’s house, like we did when I was younger. Because of Covid we actually would record the songs and they would be played at church, because while we could have singing it couldn’t be live, it was a questionable Covid “rule”, there were many, including the dumb ones that kept us from my Dad as he lie dying alone away from the family who loved him. For the past 4 years, Jim’s choir has helped me heal and feel close to my Dad, so I was sad when he said he was leaving his home and church to move to Georgia. It is a painful loss for me to go from seeing someone who knew my Dad every week to maybe not again for a long while. Not to mention his voice, truly a gift from God. I will miss hearing him sing. He sang at our wedding and our 25th wedding anniversary. He sang at my Uncle Joe’s funeral, my Aunt Alice’s funeral, Bella’s Dad’s funeral, my Dad’s funeral. Happy or sad, Jim was there.

I’m not real sure what’s going on right now. I can’t see the plan through the tears. “The Lord is close to the broken hearted.” I gave my daughter that verse when her friend passed, hold on to it I told her, time to take my own advice and remember I’m not alone.

Deep breathe, “Forward, Always Forward, God will Provide.”

Today for drives, trees and the sea that soothe my weary soul…I Give Thanks…

Long run still at 4 miles…hoping to increase next week and find a 5K to do. KOR

Vacation…

On January 10, 2025January 10, 2025 By runnergirl02In Thankfulness, UncategorizedLeave a comment

We’ve been on Christmas Vacation. My daughter got off the week before me, my husband’s vacation started on Christmas Eve but now they are back to school and work today and I have another seven days off. I smartly or stupidly, I can’t decide which, scheduled a lot of health appointments and check ups for this week. Right now as I’m looking at the schedule I’m leaning toward stupidly, but I did try to make time to meet up with a friend or two here or there, so we’ll see how that turns out.

Since my last post we’ve had sweet Emily’s memorial service. My daughter sang at the funeral Mass and I wonder how she found the courage to sing, I wasn’t asked, but I’m not sure I could have even if I was. She sang well. It was a lovely service for a beautiful lady. I’ve always found comfort in the funeral Mass, probably because I’m Roman Catholic and the service is familiar, giving room to the grieving to do just that, grieve, while reminding us, Emily is not far or absent, just part of the “invisible”. That’s not always great comfort at 2:00AM when you wake up missing someone or anticipating a loss, but in the moment it provides a space to think about your own mortality, what kind of life you want to live and the ultimate goal, heaven.

I have so many people now to reunite with in heaven. Our Lauren Rose of course, my baby sister Tracy, my Dad and, now almost all his brothers and sisters, good friends, like Hector who we lost last year, Great-Grandma’s Doris and Lana(who Laina is named for) and, Great-Grandpa Floyd, my own grandparents, one who I only know by pictures and the other who I vaguely remember, but the memory is not a happy one, the list is growing. I had a friend who said her Grandmother once told her, if you live to be old enough you will know more people one day in heaven than on earth. I think her Grandma is right and I don’t always like it.

It’s been a rough Fall and, I have found myself holding onto God’s promises tightly, even while my brain fights me, especially it seems around 2:00AM. Maybe a believer isn’t supposed to admit they struggle at times but I do and I think Jesus knew we would or he wouldn’t have put all His promises in writing and surrounded us with people whose faith at times is stronger than our own.

Still, in the midst of all the sad, we have life to look forward to I suppose. Track season is coming up and I love to watch our daughter run fast, she’s pretty good at it and has found more success in track than cross country. I’ve always thought running provides us with the opportunity to train our minds to be mentally tough and theoretically that should help with life, though it doesn’t always. I was glad when she decided she would try out a track group called the Flyers when she was in 6th grade and she enjoyed it, so we stuck with track and it’s been fun to watch her set goals and most of the time achieve them. God has surrounded her with many good coaches who love Him and as my goal for our daughter has always been heaven and not a career or things, I’ve been pleased and thankful with the adults God has placed in her life.

The second semester of the school year will start Monday for me and I hope to see all my students back safe and sound. I hope they’ve had a restful vacation and I hope they are ready to learn some more Chemistry. We’ll see, quite often it seems I’m the most excited one in the room. It makes me wonder if Jesus ever felt like I do sometimes. I kind of don’t think so because He is Jesus, but I feel badly if He did! Some days I’m really excited to share a lesson or something I found out or learned with the kids and they are NOT as excited as I am. In fact, they are clearly elsewhere, listening to music with their ear pods hidden under their hair or cap or sneaking peaks at their phone every time it buzzes and as a teacher you can get to feeling pretty ignored. I wonder if Jesus ever felt or feels ignored, like I do in class some days. It’s a lonely sad feeling, so I hope not. We can look to the bible to find out if Jesus every felt like I do sometimes. When Jesus was about to die on the cross before he died he called out, in a loud voice, “Eli Eli lama sabachtani” translated, “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?”

When I googled the word forsaken, AI said forsaken means, “to be abandoned, deserted, or left completely alone. To be deprived of another person or let down when you are in need.” If Jesus felt forsaken on the cross, maybe I’m wrong and He does know exactly how it feels to be ignored by a class full of teenagers or when I’m awake at 2AM pondering a future only He can see? Yeah, I’m wrong, but it doesn’t always feel like I’m wrong. So I love that Jesus left us His book, with all its stories that point to Him and with his teachings to remind us of His love.

A friend told me my words sounded heavy. Another friend recently told me I seemed weary and I am. The weight of my responsibilities sits heavily upon me some days and I am weary of all the sad, so tired. Deaths, illnesses, now these fires in LA, for some reason, ever since Covid, at least for me, it seems a constant stream of loss or tragedy after another, but as Peter said, “to where will I go, you have the words of everlasting life.” I’m holding on tight to those promises and I think of JJ Hellers song, Your Hands.

“I have unanswered prayers, I have trouble wish wasn’t there, and I have asked a thousand ways that you would take my pain away.

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crooked lie, Oh Lord, before these feet of mine, Oh Lord, before these feet of mine.

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands”

So my vacation is over in three days and I’ll be back to shining my light best I can. Break was filled with it all this year, sad, happy, regretful, anxious, weary, heavy thoughts. The waves seem to be crashing all around me, like the day we went for a drive to our favorite beach and they were wild and so tall, ready to sweep away anyone who wasn’t paying attention, but…

“What can make me whole again? Nothing by the blood of Jesus.”

For me there’s no other answer, there’s no other place to go, but Jesus and so today…

for Jesus, my brother, God, my Father and the Holy Spirit, my counselor…I Give Thanks!

We ran the Jingle Bell Run during break and our long run is back down to 4miles currently, due to a few reasons, that’s my update on that, we are planning on doing a 5K in a week that I’ve never run before so hopefully that will be fun. KOR

Seasons…

On November 21, 2024November 21, 2024 By runnergirl02In Thankfulness, UncategorizedLeave a comment

We don’t seem to get a “real” fall season. I’m not actually really sure we ever did. I’ve lived here my whole life. I have no real desire to ever leave, even though I find the traffic increasingly annoying and the people I’m surrounded by annoying as well. I shouldn’t say that and it’s not totally true, but I’ve got to say somewhere around Covid it feels like people went crazy. They were less considerate, more rushed and it doesn’t seem like its returned back to 2019 levels or that it ever will. Rush…rush…rush…

Anyway, our “Fall” comes really late in November these days. We haven’t had any significant rainfall in awhile and temperatures stayed in the high 90’s well into October. I don’t care for fall as noted in a previous post, it’s full of sad memories, mostly of loss and for whatever reason that doesn’t seem to be stopping.

My uncle passed earlier in the month. I’m imagining him with my Aunt and my Dad but in reality I’m not real sure how heaven works or if he’s there yet. You know us Catholics, we believe in a thing called Purgatory. I hope he’s in heaven with all the saints.

We have some new seasons approaching in our family. Our daughter is about to graduate high school in a few months. Transitions can be hard for her. I pray that she will be ok and trust in the knowledge that whatever God has planned for her next season of life it is good and for his glory. I think it’s hard for teenagers to think about being part of somebody else’s plan, they can be focused on themselves. I know our daughter loves Jesus. I know she questions and sometimes feels far away from him but I hope she knows that Jesus is always near. I hope when she looks around and sees a beautiful blue sky, beautiful fall leaves, the colors of a rainbow after a storm, a smile from an unexpected person, or someone with a hug to share or a word of encouragement that it’s all from Jesus. We just don’t always “feel” it how we think we should.

My husband and I will face a new season too. Less time shuttling our daughter around, cheering her on at events, yelling her name, and watching her proudly from the sidelines. What will we do? What will I do with the extra time? I’m not sure yet. Sometimes, I’m overwhelmed with sadness at the thought, well, to be honest, most of the time I’m overwhelmed with sadness at the thought. I can only go and sit at the cafe and write so often, lol, maybe more music, and more reading but I so enjoy when she shares her day with me. I love to hear about the “dramas” of the day, what she did in the choir or how practice went. My husband says not to worry, she will still talk with us but “I know it will be different,” I tell him. He usually responds, “Don’t worry about something that hasn’t happened yet.” “I know, I know,” I say unconvinced that all my worst fears won’t come true, that she just won’t need me anymore. “She still needs you now,” he says. “I know, I know,” I say.

The seasons are starting to change. Fall is turning to Winter, and there will be snow this weekend in our mountains, a lot of it I heard on the news this morning. The seasons of our life are changing too and at times they are stormy and scary and things feel like they are being tossed all around and other times like today, they are bright with a beautiful blue sky and wisps of white clouds being pushed by the wind. The fall leaves blowing in the breeze in all their autumn glory, browns, reds, golds dancing in the sunshine.

I don’t know what Winter will bring. I don’t know what the next seasons of our lives will bring but I have thoroughly enjoyed raising our daughter. I have enjoyed all of it, every minute, maybe not the anxious moments but even those can teach us things.

I can’t always be thankful for the changing seasons or not knowing what’s next, but I can be thankful for the present moment, so I’ll try to stay there more often, instead of running ahead to a future only God knows.

For today, and also for cappuccino’s…I Give Thanks!

Running update…running the Turkey Trot next week, hopefully we’ll be healthy and it will be fun. KOR

Enjoying a Fall morning at my favorite cafe.

Finding Blessings Amidst Fall’s Challenges

On October 21, 2024 By runnergirl02In Thankfulness, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Phew…this has been an interesting fall so far….

Fall is not my favorite season, it’s not a hated season either, it just seems if something is going to go wrong in my world, it always goes wrong in Fall. Big things, little things…ALL the things.

Our good friend Emily, like a Great-Grandma to Laina, a Grandma to us is in hospice. She is 98 years old and just wish she would fall asleep and wake up in heaven, but she’s going through some suffering before she leaves this world of ours and it hurts my heart, especially for her daughter. Her daughter is Laina’s God-Mother, sweet lady who I met many years ago through my own mom and now she’s part of our family 🙂

My uncle, who is 82, has been diagnosed with Stage 4 Colon and Liver cancer. The primary source was the Colon. He’s done one chemo treatment, ended up in rehab because he was in hospital so long he was weak and having trouble walking but he should be coming home this Wednesday and then back to Chemo. We will see how it goes. He was always kind to me and I hope he doesn’t suffer too much.

My sister-in-law’s mother is in ICU in a medically induced coma because she is having seizures that won’t stop. They had to move her up to Sacramento because they couldn’t help her at the hospital she was in. After just speaking with my brother, my sister-in-law’s Mama seems to be on her way from this world, please bring peace and comfort to her family.

My Dad passed away on September 19th, 2020. My Aunt, his sister, one of my very favorites, a big part of our family, passed away September 9th, 2022. Our baby daughter, Lauren Rose, went to heaven on October 23rd. As you can see Fall is not and has not been kind. I don’t look forward to Fall. I was even sick for my birthday this year! I should have stayed home sick but went to work because I only have so much sick leave and I want to save it so I can attend our daughter’s events. Sigh…

Despite all these sad things, I do try to look at the blessings. The weather is getting cooler and the mornings are like I like them, crisp and pleasant. My brother and sister called to wish me a Happy Birthday, and so did my Mom, and while my students did not know it was my birthday they were good taht day! Pumpkins! I love pumpkins, they are fun to decorate with and look for in a pumpkin patch which we’ve done a few times. Fairs, I enjoy the fairs, in the Fall, visiting the exhibits and seeing the animals, eating the food! Cross Country! My daughter is on her school team and I enjoy watching her run, going to meets, and cheering her on to be her best. Fall concerts for choir. My daughter is in her school’s Chamber Choir and man they are a beautiful choir, so nice to sit and listen to them sing God’s praises on a weekday night. Sunday brunch with family, a long-standing tradition, continues. What a blessing to see my brother, sister, nieces, and nephews almost every Sunday! Time spent with family is a treasure to be sure. We were able to drive down to the coast this past Saturday and it was a beautiful day. Playing frisbee on the beach with my love so fun! Attending Mass at St. Angela’s in PG is always a treat, even if we can never manage to attend their SAMDAG fundraiser, it’s fun to hear about it every year around this time.

I’m not really sure if the good things outweigh the bad things or if I’m seeing it all wrong. I’m sure it’s the latter. Do you ever wish God would just give you a little glimpse to see how it’s all going to turn out? I do, a lot. So I try to turn to his word, it doesn’t always help but I try to remind myself of all His promises and even though that doesn’t always work and it doesn’t always fix the sadness, it’s what I have.

Jesus prays for us in John, Chapter 17. In verse 26 he says, “I made known to them your name and I will make it known, that the love with which you loved me may be in them and I in them.” Jesus desires to be in us and with us, this is what He said. In verse 24 he says, “Father, they are your gift to me. I wish that where I am they also may be with me. He called us his gift. In Mathew 28:20, Jesus says, “And behold, I am with you always, until the end of the age.” He’s talking to his disciples in all these passages but He is also talking those who have been baptized in Christ, His beloved. One of my favorite passages in Matthew is Mathew 6:25 where Jesus talks about where to put our trust. He says, “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat (or drink), or about your body, what you will wear.” Jesus doesn’t want us to worry, but to trust in Him, even when the outcome is uncertain and not what we ever wanted or hoped for.

“Oh my sweet Jesus, hear my prayer to you this day, that you would be with all our loved ones and lead them home to you. If they must suffer, may it be short, and may we unite it to your suffering on the cross as we remember the life you gave for us. We don’t understand this life or where it leads and even when we think we do, we don’t see it all, please guard us from the evil one and keep us close to you always. Sweet Jesus, my brother and God my Father, never leave our side and bring us home to you when our race is run. Amen.”

For Jesus, I can always give thanks….

I’ve been sick. Running was going pretty good until a few weeks back, getting back to it, the schedule got thrown off, but we are still doing what we can when we can. Our long run right now is a pretty solid 6 miles, so hopeful to increase this as the weeks go by. Hoping to run a 5k sometime soon. KOR

My favorite spot to relax in God’s love…

A rainbow I saw that reminds me no matter the storms of life, God is always with me…

Birthdays

On April 15, 2024 By runnergirl02In Family, Food, ThankfulnessLeave a comment

I enjoy birthdays! Yesterday was my Mom’s birthday. My Mom has said that birthdays weren’t a big thing when she was growing up. My Mom has 5 sisters and 2 brothers. A brother and one sister have passed on now.

Growing up we celebrated birthdays with parties here and there. Most of the time, since my birthday was near the fair I was able to invite a friend or two and enjoy some time at the Fresno Fair. I can remember doing that at least twice. I had a big party for my 21st birthday. We had a DJ and it was a lot of fun. My Mom and my Nina made my favorite, Chicken Enchiladas, yum!

Today we celebrated my moms birthday with family and friends. I kind of invited more people than I thought, but Jason always says the more the merrier. We had a Berry Chantilly Cake! Have you ever had one? Go to Whole Foods and get a slice or even a whole cake, you won’t be disappointed 😉

My Mom seemed to have a nice time. I know she misses my Dad lots on days like her birthday. God was good to surround her with people who love her and who wanted her to have a nice day.

We celebrate lots of birthdays in my family and I love it. Birthdays mark time and provide a space for family and friends to come together to celebrate. When given the choice between a birthday party or a trip I almost always choose a party. I love my family. I love seeing them and celebrating happy days, like my birthday, with them.

I know not everyone celebrates birthdays with extended family and friends. Some people like to take a trip or enjoy a smaller gathering. I would challenge them/you if to consider what keeps families strong and together. It isn’t seeing each other twice a year, Christmas and Easter. It’s all the “little” opportunities to celebrate one another throughout the year. Birthdays for sure, but also graduations, baptisms, confirmations, First Communions, Weddings, anniversaries, Mothers’s Day, Father’s Day, Labor Day, 4th of July, so many excuses as the year ticks by to spend time with family and friends. Why wouldn’t anyone grab it?

It’s not guaranteed. Days aren’t guaranteed. No guarantee I’ll get another birthday or that my Mom will get another birthday or that anyone will get any other type of celebration. It could all be gone tomorrow, or the next day or in an hour. Birthdays are precious reminders of how short life is and that it should be celebrated!

So today for my Mom’s birthday…I give thanks!

We finally have picked a half marathon plan, for better or worse, just need to figure out when to start it…hoping my mile time will start dropping when we become more consistent…it takes grit to work your way back…I think we have it in us…I know we have it in us, hopefully God will grant us the gift of health so we can…Keep On Running….

My Mom’s Birthday Cake
Berry Chantilly …Yum!

Geese

On June 25, 2015June 27, 2015 By runnergirl02In UncategorizedLeave a comment

I haven’t actually blogged in a really really long time. I actually have a blog on LiveJournal of a similar name but there seemed to me something refreshing about starting all over again…something I read this Sunday…”a new creation”

So there is this pond that I pass on the way to my parent’s house and every year we love to watch a pair of Canada Geese that live there. I’m not quite sure they are the exact same pair but we look forward to spring when the eggs hatch and those cute little fluffy ducklings show up with their parents. This year a pair of White Geese have joined the mother and father and seem to be surrogate parents of sort. I’m sad to report that of the three baby geese we originally saw only one seems to be left. There is another pair of rather strange looking ducks that live also with the two different types of geese but they mostly keep to themselves. This little hybrid family reminds me of my own family. We are a strange mix, if all you look at is the outside. If you look at the inside then you see we are all really the same. I suspect it’s the same with these geese.

I came across some old cards and letters today. I didn’t have time to read them all but as I read through them it seems that I read things I hadn’t read before. It was like I couldn’t remember this person ever expressing that particular sentiment to me. When I stopped to think about it, I realized it wasn’t that the thought was never expressed, it was more along the lines that I wasn’t ready to hear it, for whatever strange reason. It got me wondering…How many times has someone tried to tell me they loved me or cared for me and how many times did I just not choose to see it? This got me thinking about God of course and how often he is screaming at us, shouting his love to us and we either have chosen to ignore it or aren’t ready to acknowledge it. Maybe we are afraid to know there is someone or some God who really truly loves us? Maybe we let little disappointments cloud our judgment, add a piece to the “wall”?

Have you ever let a disappointment or a perceived slight keep you from loving someone or some God? I have. I have done this both with friends and stupidly with God. I have left friendships alone when I felt I wasn’t needed or wanted. I have stopped praying to God when my prayers weren’t answered the way I wanted them to be. Isn’t it interesting though that God will wait until we are ready to come back to Him, in fact, He will actively seek us out and drive us toward Him, like the Great Shepherd that He is. Human friends won’t always do that but I guess that’s what makes us human. We are called to love unconditionally but we fail at this commandment every day. We fail at it because we do not understand the unconditional love God has for us. “He is jealous for me, Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree, Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy. When all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory and I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affection is for me.” Lyrics to a song by John Mark McMillan, the chorus of which is “How He Loves Us” repeated over several times. I guess we spend most of our life learning this lesson. I guess while we run around thinking life is about getting this, becoming this, earning this, the endless chorus of “How I Love Me” running around in our heads there He is, sometimes softly, sometimes loudly with electric guitars blaring, begging us to see Him, to hear Him, while we run around wondering why we feel so lost, so afraid, why we think our friends don’t love us anymore?

Today I’m thankful for remembering the love of a friend…a fun guitar lesson…always my Jason, my Laina and my family but mostly today I’m thankful for that huge cry of unconditional love. Why would God beg for me to know he loves me? That’s the mystery isn’t it?

Keep on running….

Thankful Runner Girl

Tag: Love