Author: runnergirl02

Falls…

On By runnergirl02In Thankfulness, UncategorizedLeave a comment

There are many different kinds of falls…

Falls from grace…

Falling off the wagon…

Falling water…

Falling in the literal sense of the word…

On the day of my 50th birthday, I did the latter. My husband and I were training for a half marathon in November and needed to get in a long run, I can’t remember how long now, so even though we had planned a trip out to Monterey for my birthday, on the morning of my birthday, we headed out to complete this run. Less than a mile from our house I tripped on the sidewalk and hit the ground hard, landing with my hand’s outstretched and I heard an ugly pop. It was not good. My hand immediately started swelling twice its size and in that moment I knew two things; first, I wasn’t going to Monterey for my 50th birthday, second, I wasn’t running a half marathon in November. Both were confirmed a few hours later after a visit to urgent care.

However, hand wrapped in a splint and wanting to salvage what I could of my 50th birthday I let my husband and daughter take me out to Casa De Fruta where we enjoyed the fall decorations and ate an early dinner. This was not what I had planned at all and I found myself for the first time that I could ever remember really really wishing I could go back in time and skip the run. That one run altered the plans I had for the next few months and even though it was awhile ago now, my hand still isn’t right. It hurts in cold weather and gets stiff in the morning, tired if I use it too much. My wedding ring didn’t fit for a year and the hand that was injured is still a little bit swollen at times.

When my daughter was little and fell, as little ones do, I’d tell her to get up, she’d be fine and she always was. Her skin tends to scar though so she has little marks here and there from some of her falls over the years. She now runs track and cross country.

In May, at the final track meet of the season, she fell. She fell in the 4X400. She was running as the anchor. She is fun to watch when she’s running well. She actually hadn’t been feeling well earlier that day but when she got that baton, she took off like a firework and was almost home about to give her final kick when she went down, along with a runner who had gotten too close. At first I didn’t know it was her, then I had two thoughts, Was she ok? What happened? My husband was the first to say it looked like the girl behind her clipped her. Mama Bear went into motion trying to get to my daughter but she was on the infield, luckily getting bandaged up with her coach. I asked her teammates whether or not they saw her get pushed, which was my initial concern. Finally, I was reunited with my daughter and asked her if she had been pushed and she said no, she felt her leg get kicked. When she fell, she fell mid-stride, so both her legs we up off the ground and with nothing to catch her she literally collapsed to the ground at near her top speed in a sickening plop. It’s hard to watch on video. She had several injuries, including at least one that wasn’t really apparent until a couple of weeks later when she tried to do a push-up and found she couldn’t. When she puts much pressure on the hand that hit first, the hand immediately is unhappy. She had cuts and an injury to her pelvis that still hurts nearly a month later. It was a hard fall. To add insult to injury the other runner didn’t go to check on her to see if she was ok, nor did she apologize. When mama bear wrote an email asking the principal to tell his coach to talk to his runner about checking on others, the coach apparently mentioned my daughter could have been blocking his runner from passing, like that would be a reason not to check on someone who was injured? The other girl was DQ’d so I doubt even he believed his own suggestion.

School districts are always afraid of law-suits, sadly. We are the farthest from those kind of people you could get. The other coach didn’t ask us about our daughter either, maybe he talked to our coaches? Maybe he didn’t realize the full extent of her injuries? Not sure, but I know one thing, when you cause an injury to another, even if it was an accident, you should always apologize and check on the person who was injured.

When she fell I hoped two things; that she was ok, that it wasn’t her fault. Our daughter is the sweetest girl you will ever meet. She is kind and loving. She almost always has a smile or a kind word for others and is genuine, even when others are rude, dismissive or just plain indifferent. Whether she’s singing in the choir or running with joy, or chatting with someone she’s met for the first time, her smile lights up a room. I think about Jesus telling his apostles they are the salt of the earth and light of the world in the gospel of Saint Matthew (5:14), our daughter is light. She has brought so much light to our lives. If the accident had been her fault, she would have had a difficult time with that. As it was she still felt badly that she had somehow let her teammates down. It was a bummer way to end her season.

She still smiled for pictures after. She still laughed and posed with her injuries with her coaches. It wasn’t until a few hours later and the next day that we realized she was a little more hurt than we hoped. She’s had two x-rays now for this injury, the last one just last week, for that hand that keeps hurting, the one she can’t do push-ups on, it’s not broken, worse she’s injured a ligament, those take longer to heal. She will be reminded of this fall every time that hand twinges or tweaks. She’ll recover but in the meantime, my heart hurts for her and my hand does too.

Chumbawamba in Tubthumping, says, “I get knocked down, but I get up again. You are never gonna keep me down.” Rocky says, “It’s not about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward.” There are a myriad of quotes about falling and getting back up again. I also think maybe sometimes people forget the other part, when you fall and get back up, you are changed. No one who falls is ever the same again. Whether it’s an injury that lingers or a memory that won’t leave you, you are never the same. It doesn’t matter if it’s a physical fall or a different type. Those clichés are supposed to be inspirational but where do they come from? Who provides the ultimate example of what you do when you fall? You can get back up but who are you now? How exactly do you move forward? No easy answers there, for anyone, I’m afraid and so I ask myself how did Jesus respond when he fell?

In my Catholic faith we have something called the Stations of the Cross. The Stations mark the journey of Jesus to his crucifixion. There are three falls. There are a total of 14 stations, at each station we remember and meditate on the journey of Jesus to the cross. Jesus falls for the first time in the 3rd station. We are encouraged to meditate on how Jesus continues to move forward, determined to carry out God’s plan for the salvation of the world. In the 7th station Jesus falls for the second time and we are encouraged to meditate on the sacrifice he is making for us. Finally, in the 9th station Jesus falls for the third time, weary and near death, our sweet Jesus gets back up and continues the Way of the Cross. We are encouraged to remember that he could have called out to his Father to ask for help but he accepted the Father’s plan. We are encouraged to remember we can’t travel the way forward without Jesus.

Can you be thankful for falls? I’m very thankful for Jesus, for his example of moving forward, even if it was to his death, in order to fulfill the Father’s plan. I mean who does that? Who would do that? Only someone who loved us more than life itself, Jesus. Falls can teach us and sure, most of the time people get back up. I got up and my daughter got back up and she even tried to keep running to the end of her race but when you get back up you aren’t the same as when you fell. You are either stronger and more determined that ever or you can end up regretful, sad and frozen in time. I want to always follow the example of Jesus and he promised that when you fall or when I fall He will always be right there by our side to help us move forward, we don’t have to do it alone and for that I can be grateful.

For the lessons falls teach us…I Give Thanks!

Running update: We have started our half marathon plan. I can’t say I’m 100% confident that we will be able to accomplish this goal but so far we’ve check all our runs off the training list. We are slow but we are moving forward.

Our skinny lazy river that we like to run by when there is water…we were on our way to this trail when I fell.
Our trail …

La Boulangerie…

On By runnergirl02In ThankfulnessLeave a comment

La Boulangerie is a little bistro where I live and I love it! A boulangerie is a bakery that specializes in bread, especially French style breads but from what I can tell they have every kind of bread, even Pan Dulce! My favorite is the Almond Croissant. Yummy!

I had never actually been here until last December 2023. In all my years of living and working here, for whatever reason it never occurred to me to walk in. If I’m totally honest, it looked a little ritzy, don’t know why I thought that, just did. Well I do know, but that’s a different post, maybe later. Anyway, since that day in December of 2023, it has become one of our favorite, lets sit and hang out places. I enjoy sitting outside on the patio or like today, inside by the big windows and starring outside, watching people come and go hearing the door open and close, watching the trees outside, today’s a little windy and so the leaves are rustling around with little drops of sunlight bouncing off them here and there. There’s ivy around the patio posts and all kinds of people to watch come and go and to wonder about. There is a crooked replica of the Eiffel Tower sparkling above one of the bakery cases that kind of makes me laugh and posters and pictures of other French cafes and bread around the walls. There’s old time jazz music playing, doesn’t seem particularly like French music but the kind you hear on period piece shows like When Calls the Heart, coming out of a phonograph while people waltz around. Old people, young people, groups of people and single people, of all races and I assume creeds having conversations or just sitting and enjoying a coffee and a treat. One lady we have seen the past two days sits in a corner with her magnifying glass and her puzzle and dictionary. She’s obviously a regular as every now and again someone will sit and chat with her and then she’ll be alone again and go back to her puzzle. I was thinking yesterday if I was alone but didn’t want to feel alone this café might be a pretty nice place to sit to do my puzzle and chat now and again, it’s that kind of place and today I am actually alone and it has been enjoyable to whittle away the morning here. It’s almost perfect except for the line! Sometimes there is no line but sometimes there is a really long line and if all you want is a coffee or iced tea the only real way to ensure you will get one is to get in the line.

I have actually been here everyday for the last three days counting today. My daughter and I usually need someplace to sit and spend a little time before her track practices on certain days and if she doesn’t have piano you’ll probably find us here, at least this week anyway. Today, this morning, I’m here again because of track, she has a meet. The League championships are today and so I took the day off school so I could go and cheer her and her team on to victory, which is usually measured in PR’s and sometimes a medal here or there.

I have had a thoroughly enjoyable morning with my almond milk cappuccino, breakfast sandwich and a couple of bites of an almond croissant. I am hopeful for the afternoon and eager to cheer for my daughter’s track team. It’s been a good day so far! Thinking on summer plans, writing in this journal, watching the blue sky through the trees, cars driving by and hoping the wind dies down before the track meet. I even got to read a few journals/blogs from other writers and I liked a few of them and a few I didn’t agree with at all but the writing was still good, even if the ideas were foreign to me. I also spent a bit of time missing a colleague from work who I recently found out passed away. His name was Patrick Casey, a wonderful English teacher who frequented this place, he was always kind to me, gave me some great advice on teaching once and I’ll miss running into him now and again. We weren’t particularly close, we talked here and there, but it’s sad to think he’s not here to run into anymore. You just think about things in a café like La Boulangerie because you actually have time to think about things, it’s that kind of place.

Anyway…so far today for La Boulangerie, my daughter having an early track meet, almond croissants and cappuccinos…I Give Thanks!

No running this AM but we ran yesterday AM and did stairs, hard run because I was tired but we got it done. KOR!

View from my window seat….

The crooked sparkly Eiffel Tower….

Records…

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There are different types of records. There are personal records, school records, record albums…

There are different meanings for the word record…The word itself can be used as a noun and a verb. Anything from some type of official document that “records” something, like the deed to a house, the times of a race or the heartfelt lyrics in song of a musical artist…

Seems this week around our house at least, we’ve been talking about a few different types of records.

Our daughter runs track. She runs the 200m, 400m and this year has run an 800m twice. About two weeks ago she ran a local league meet and apparently broke a school record but no one knew about it until the following Monday. There were some inconsistencies in the times of the races and actually at first they had our daughter in 4th place behind one runner who finished after her and another who didn’t even run! When they finally fixed the results for the third time it turned out she had broken her schools record by .01s. A teammate of hers ran the 100m at the same meet and her results later that same night were recognized as having broke the school record in the 100m. Neither athlete was recognized in the moment because immediate times were not given and in the end the athlete who initially broke the 100m record had her record recalled because when they redid the times her time wasn’t fast enough to have really broken the school record. Such a bummer for both athletes. Our daughter who hasn’t really accepted her time is valid and that she really did break the record and her teammate who had her record recalled. It was a disappointment for sure. We told our daughter there was nothing for it, she’d just have to do it again.

There’s another type of record we’ve been talking about in our family and that is Taylor Swifts new album, The Tortured Poets Department. Now if you know me in real life you might find it odd that I do in fact enjoy some music written by Taylor Swift, some…not all…mostly I respect her as a fellow songwriter. I really enjoy reading her lyrics. They tell difficult stories from her life or stories she’s imagined and most of the time they are set to good music and are thoughtful and interesting. On her last album Midnights, she has a song called, Bigger than the Whole Sky, which is beautiful in a fatalistic way. On this new album she has another song called So Long London, put the two songs together and you have a heartbreaking tale of love and loss. Now I don’t know that those songs are even related to the same person or relationship but they are achingly beautiful.

When we were talking to our daughter about her hesitancy to accept her record she said her victory felt hollow because she was sad for her teammate and didn’t quite believe the, as she called them, “sketchy” results. We can’t really blame her for feeling that way. She also expressed regret that she didn’t get to celebrate it in the moment like some of her other teammates have this season. We tried to remind her that records are made to be broken and they pass away and fade with time. She should strive always to be her best and not chase after someone else’s best. She’s a teenager so not sure she heard that part.

This post feels a bit melancholy to me but I guess maybe it is, me and her Dad missed out on being able to celebrate her “record” as well because a race director didn’t have the integrity to make sure the results were right. As of this moment they still have our daughter’s 4X100 team beating a team they clearly came in 2nd to, and despite the fact it’s on video, they have refused to fix it. Not doing your personal best, affects the others around you, sometimes in a negative way. We aren’t happy with the race director at all, she messed up what should have been two possible celebrations all because she was either too afraid to ask for help or to scared to admit that perhaps none of the times are right or that they aren’t sure how to fix them.

Hmm…I am thankful that our daughter wasn’t too upset and that her teammate seems to have rebounded from her disappointment as well. Both these athletes know their worth isn’t found in school records but in the great I AM. They’ll be ok so I can be grateful today for Jesus who loves us so much He gave everything He had. I can be grateful today because I know he holds our daughter and her teammate in His hands and wants good things for them whether that’s a personal record or a school record. I can be thankful for Taylor Swifts sad, heart achingly, melancholy songs, because sometimes it can help to just sit in a sadness or loss for awhile. I can also be hopeful that one day Taylor Swift will meet and know God, could you imagine what lyrics she could come up with then and the stories she could tell through song? I admit to making an assumption there about Taylor that maybe I shouldn’t make but if you’ve read enough of her lyrics I think you too would find a hesitancy of belief in God or at least Jesus.

So today…for “records”…I give thanks!

Running update…had a really good run Saturday, have a half marathon plan finally and feeling stronger, now if I could only resist sugar, will keep working on that one…KOR

Some beautiful wildflowers we saw on our Saturday and Sunday run:-)

Birthdays

On By runnergirl02In Family, Food, Thankfulness1 Comment

I enjoy birthdays! Yesterday was my Mom’s birthday. My Mom has said that birthdays weren’t a big thing when she was growing up. My Mom has 5 sisters and 2 brothers. A brother and one sister have passed on now.

Growing up we celebrated birthdays with parties here and there. Most of the time, since my birthday was near the fair I was able to invite a friend or two and enjoy some time at the Fresno Fair. I can remember doing that at least twice. I had a big party for my 21st birthday. We had a DJ and it was a lot of fun. My Mom and my Nina made my favorite, Chicken Enchiladas, yum!

Today we celebrated my moms birthday with family and friends. I kind of invited more people than I thought, but Jason always says the more the merrier. We had a Berry Chantilly Cake! Have you ever had one? Go to Whole Foods and get a slice or even a whole cake, you won’t be disappointed 😉

My Mom seemed to have a nice time. I know she misses my Dad lots on days like her birthday. God was good to surround her with people who love her and who wanted her to have a nice day.

We celebrate lots of birthdays in my family and I love it. Birthdays mark time and provide a space for family and friends to come together to celebrate. When given the choice between a birthday party or a trip I almost always choose a party. I love my family. I love seeing them and celebrating happy days, like my birthday, with them.

I know not everyone celebrates birthdays with extended family and friends. Some people like to take a trip or enjoy a smaller gathering. I would challenge them/you if to consider what keeps families strong and together. It isn’t seeing each other twice a year, Christmas and Easter. It’s all the “little” opportunities to celebrate one another throughout the year. Birthdays for sure, but also graduations, baptisms, confirmations, First Communions, Weddings, anniversaries, Mothers’s Day, Father’s Day, Labor Day, 4th of July, so many excuses as the year ticks by to spend time with family and friends. Why wouldn’t anyone grab it?

It’s not guaranteed. Days aren’t guaranteed. No guarantee I’ll get another birthday or that my Mom will get another birthday or that anyone will get any other type of celebration. It could all be gone tomorrow, or the next day or in an hour. Birthdays are precious reminders of how short life is and that it should be celebrated!

So today for my Mom’s birthday…I give thanks!

We finally have picked a half marathon plan, for better or worse, just need to figure out when to start it…hoping my mile time will start dropping when we become more consistent…it takes grit to work your way back…I think we have it in us…I know we have it in us, hopefully God will grant us the gift of health so we can…Keep On Running….

My Mom’s Birthday Cake
Berry Chantilly …Yum!

Easter

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Easter is my favorite celebration of the year. It starts with Ash Wednesday. Ash Wednesday marks the call to repentance and the beginning of Lent. Lent last 40 days if you don’t count the Sundays, which are considered Feast Days. Palm Sunday marks the beginning of Holy Week. Holy Week includes Holy Thursday, Good Friday and the Easter Vigil 🙂 If we can we attend all three services, most years we attend at least two, Good Friday for sure and the Easter Vigil. The Easter Vigil is the Mass of the year. During the Easter Vigil we read about all the ways God pointed to Jesus throughout the Old Testament. We sing Psalms of sorrow, waiting and prophecy. We begin in total darkness and slowly the light emerges, first by candlelight, then as the churches own lights are gradually turned on until at last we celebrate Jesus crushing death by His resurrection and a chorus of Alleluias arise, the church bells ring and Lent is over. Easter has arrived!

Easter lasts for 50 days until Pentecost. Pentecost marks the arrival of the Holy Spirit to the apostles.

I love Easter and all it’s seasons. I love getting together with family and celebrating a happy day together, eating good food, finding eggs, enjoying copious amounts of chocolate and sweets. Mostly I love celebrating that one day Jesus will raise from the dead my family and friends who’ve gone before me. I look forward to meeting my sister. I look forward to seeing our Lauren Rose again. I look forward to seeing my Dad, Aunts, Uncles, pets.

The promise of Easter starts with Christmas, John 3:16. You can’t have one without the other.

Father Mike, C.S. Lewis and others have said either Jesus is who he says he is or Christianity is one of the biggest frauds ever.

How do you not believe in Jesus? Everything in the Old Testament points to Him. Jesus himself tells us who He is. He tells us He will be crucified and that He will rise after three days. Either you believe Him or you don’t. There’s not a whole lot of in between. I hope one day everyone meets Jesus and chooses to follow Him. I have met Him and I have chosen to follow Him and so today….

For Easter…I Give Thanks!

Running still going strong…getting better every run…not faster yet, but better…

Flowers in my garden…the promise of New Life…

Griffith Observatory

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Have you ever been here?

I’m not real sure why but until today, we never had…

Our daughter really enjoyed the movie La La Land and we were trying to figure out someplace to go for spring break we hadn’t been to before…as we were looking at a list of places teens might enjoy, the Griffith Observatory popped up and I thought, she’ll love seeing the place she saw in the movie…

and she did! and we did too because it’s filled with amazing views and some really cool science stuff!!

So today for the Griffith Observatory…I give thanks!

Beware if you go…we had to park half a mile away and there are lots of stairs and if you venture out onto the trails…it’s a lot of hill! I didn’t run today but I definitely got in a hill workout!

KOR!

Griffith Observatory
From one of the trails below the observatory…
Hollywood sign…
City views…

Sunrise, Sunset…

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We have had some spectacular sunrises and sunsets lately, really outstanding. The kids I teach might say, “The sunset is fire”, which means good, cool, amazing, etc…

If you’ve ever read the Bible you probably know the story of Samuel, the prophet. His mother was Hannah, she had been barren but went to the temple and asked God to give her a child. He answered her prayers with Samuel. Hannah gave Samuel back to God and left him at the temple with Eli, to be raised and taught by him. Today we heard the story of Samuel being called by God but he didn’t know that’s who was calling him. Eventually Eli figured it out and told Samuel next time he heard the call to say, “Speak Lord, your servant is listening.” Then in our second reading we heard from St. Paul, who reminded us that our bodies are a gift from God, that the Holy Spirit dwells in us and we were “purchased at a price”. Lastly, we meet Simon, who is introduced to Jesus by his brother Andrew. Jesus changes Simons name to Cephas, which is translated Peter. Jesus would later tell Peter, “upon this rock I will build my church, and the gates of the netherworld shall not prevail against it.”

All three readings point us to Jesus and trusting in Him everyday for everything. I have found I’m not great at doing this. I find I can trust Jesus more, or pretend to, when the odds are in my favor already. I don’t get up everyday and say, “Speak Lord, your servant is listening.” I wish I could say I was better at that but I’m really not. I usually get up and say, “Bless this thing I’ve already planned and please don’t let anything go wrong.” Sigh…

I forget the goal isn’t happiness. The goal is Jesus. When the goal is Jesus, happiness isn’t necessarily guaranteed. Just ask the apostles and martyrs who have gone before us. I’m pretty sure they would not say they were happy as they were being stoned or crucified.

If I get to see a sunrise or a sunset, it’s a gift from God. A moment in time gifted to us to remind us he is always there faithful and true. As magnificent as sunrises and sunsets can be, each of us is more beautiful than any sunset or sunrise will ever be, because we are God’s ultimate masterpiece. That’s a wonder to me, most days I don’t feel magnificent or like any kind of masterpiece, but God says I am and you are. We are created to be gift to each other, part of a plan designed by a good and faithful Abba.

So I am grateful for every sunrise and sunset I see, all gift from a Father who loves us, who seeks us, and who uses sunrises and sunsets to call us to Himself.

For sunrises and sunsets…I Give thanks!

KOR- running on minor hiatus as we recover from varying illnesses. Hope to be back at it soon 🙂

Sunset 01.13.24
Sunrise view from my house after a short run. 01.12.24

Breaks…

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So…Thanksgiving Break has begun! I guess technically it doesn’t really start until tomorrow because I would usually have to get up and get to school but tomorrow I don’t! I told my students I would miss them but I was also looking forward to a break! Breaks are a much needed slow down or can be if you are intentional. Sometimes I am, sometimes I’m not. I’m trying really hard during this break to be intentional, no checking work email, moving slower than usual and being ok if something doesn’t get done right when I think it should. I’m hopeful this will keep us in the present moment more spending time with the people in front of us, enjoying their company or helping where and when we can.

Today is Sunday and we usually meet together after church as a family with my brother and sister and their kids and my Mom. It’s nice to spend time together, visit with our nieces and nephews who are also our God-Children. I love my brother and sister and I love that, for the most part, I see them every Sunday, and sometimes more than once a week, depending on what’s happening that week.

The readings this week have been from the Book of Wisdom but today’s first reading was from Proverbs, 2nd reading was from the Letter of Paul to the Thessalonians and the Gospel was from Matthew, though during week it was from the Gospel of Luke.

So kind of strange…I was working out this morning with one of my favorite people, Michelle from Faithful Workouts, http://www.faithfulworkouts.com and she said something that made me think about the story in the Bible about the talents and how the Master gave the talents to his workers and then waited to see what they would do with them. Two of the guys get back double for the Master and one of them buries his talent because he was afraid. I was wondering if I’ve buried my talent out of fear, it was a passing thought while meditating during this workout.

Fast forward to Mass…the Gospel reading was about…the talents!! Hmm…I thought, I’m probably supposed to be hearing something from this. Father Carlos talked about not being afraid to use our talents/gifts/treasures. He reminded us that everything we have belongs to God and we just get to use it for awhile. He told us we should be wise about how we choose to use our talents. I’m still pondering exactly what Jesus wanted me to hear but I think it’s the being afraid part. I’m going to think and pray on it some more.

I bought a book about grief that a friend of ours wrote. We read the first few pages today and there was an exercise about breathing in prayer. I was thinking about it and adapted it later today to use with The Jesus Prayer, do you know The Jesus Prayer? Here’s a link to the book, in case your looking for something to help you during a season of grief: Breathing Through Grief …

Lord Jesus Christ, (breathe in)

Son of the Living God, (breathe out)

Have mercy on me, (breathe in)

a sinner. (breathe out)

I liked how that worked out. It is helpful to bring your focus back to the present moment. I appreciated the reminder.

For dinner tonight I made, Pesto Chicken Pizza, yum! I don’t get a lot of time to just kind of stand in the kitchen and cook during the week so I enjoyed putting our pizza together for our dinner tonight.

Time to get somethings done for Thanksgiving….

Today for promptings, for family, for prayers, for Chicken Pesto Pizza…

I Give Thanks!

I did run a little over 3 miles yesterday. I was aiming for 5 but I wasn’t feeling all that great, but our daughter guided us through the “middle mile” of the CIF State XC championship course…it’s very hilly…and I enjoy and appreciate that she still wants to spend time with her parents, she’s a sweet girl and God has blessed up greatly by allowing us to be a part of her life…she is a gift, everyday.

KOR

Here is the Chicken Pesto Pizza Before…I forgot the tomato, but it was still tasty!

Chicken Pesto Pizza after…Yummy! 🙂

October 23rd…

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Dates can be significant for good reasons, sad reasons and everything in between…

There’s a song by a favorite singer of ours called February 20th. It’s about the day the singers daughter asked Jesus to live in her heart. Three months later his little girl would be killed in a tragic accident caused by his own son. When I heard the news I left school early and went home to hug my little daughter who was 5 at the time. My daughter, like his, was adopted from China. The singer Steven Curtis Chapman had a small role in why we adopted from China and so I was so very sad for him and his family. It was a sad day, May 21st, 2008.

About a year later the artist released an album called, Beauty Will Rise. Early on I wondered if this loss would crush him and his family or if we’d even ever hear him sing again. The album answered that question. One of the songs is called Beauty will Rise, a lyric “out of these ashes Beauty will Rise.” The whole album spoke to me, helped me and it still does.

October 23rd, 2003, 20 years ago on this day, we lost our baby girl. Her name was Lauren Rose Penland. October is a hard month, so is September now, but October has always been an especially difficult month. Twenty years is a long time and at the same time not. The sadness is still there. The memories, terrible and vivid. It’s not a place to dwell for long, it’s a sad place, a dark place, a place void of hope or happiness, just dark. October 23rd, all the things I had planned were gone, just gone. No milestones, no graduations, holidays, no dancing with her Dad at her wedding, all gone, no hugs or kisses, an empty room, quiet, the door stayed closed for awhile.

I couldn’t sleep last night, some years are easier than others, this year not so easy. I see our daughter, her sister, celebrating all the milestones, navigating high school, sports, choir, driving, and I can’t help but wonder and wish that her sister was here to help her through these teenage years, or maybe they would be at odds, who knows? I’ll never know and that’s the hard part.

At first we took this day off but over the years it seemed harder to do, obligations, work usually or just wanting to stay busy, so today I went to school and taught and chatted with a couple of students who needed extra encouragement, called home to a few parents whose kids need to be talked to, went to a meeting that didn’t seem to have a point. I did all these things even though I really just wanted to stay home. I did them because I decided to ask God how he wanted to use me today, instead of living in my sadness and that is hard, living in my sadness is sometimes easier.

When I woke up this morning it was cloudy and gray. After school I ran around and did a few errands, nothing that really needed to be done, picked up my daughter, and headed to dinner with my Mom.

On our way home I remarked to my husband that the sun had come out, maybe I just noticed it and it had been out for awhile?

We saw a beautiful Sunset.

After dinner we helped a friend connect with another friend to pass along some treasured mementos that belonged to her Dad.

“This is not how is should be, this is not how it could be, but this is how it is, And Our God is in control…and we’ll sing Holy, Holy, Holy is our God..”

Today for beautiful Sunsets and songs that remind me…”Spring is Coming…” I Give Thanks!

No running today, back at it tomorrow…KOR

Birthdays

On By runnergirl02In UncategorizedLeave a comment

This past Monday I turned 52!

Today my sweet husband had a party for me. It seems I frequently find myself celebrating my birthday on this date, October 22…

I have a cousin whose birthday is the day before mine so I try not to have my birthday celebration on his day, although there have been a few times I’ve messed that up…he’s forgiven me…at least I’m pretty sure he has 😉

I love to celebrate my birthday with my family and sometimes we’ll add a few friends, just depends on how much time we have to plan.

This year my birthday falls in the middle of a really contentious contract negotiation with my teachers union and so there is some underlying stress about whether or not we are going out on strike…so it was a small gathering of my cousins and my aunts 🙂 I almost canceled it at the last minute but I so wanted to see my new baby cousin, Baby Henry, such a cutie!

I love them all. They each have their unique personalities and I love talking with them and visiting. I love seeing my God-Children and I love that I still get to see my first cousins and now their kids 🙂

I love my family.

I love having my birthday as an excuse to see my family.

I don’t know if I will love 52. I mean so far it’s ok, as long as I resist the urge to try to predict the future and what might be coming my way…

Jesus said, “Do not be afraid.
You are worth more than many sparrows.” I try to remember this when I get frustrated about how much weight I’ve gained, how slow I run now or the little aches and pains I feel here and there. St. Paul said, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us rid ourselves of every burden and sin that clings to us and persevere in running the race that lies before us”

So today…for birthdays…I Give Thanks!

We ran 4 miles yesterday out at the park, nice run, felt good, still rebuilding…two steps forward, one step back as they say…

KOR

My cake!

Eaton Trail, Woodward Park… from our run yesterday…..