I am a teacher. When I complete this year I will have taught for 28 years, 26 of them at one high school.

I was looking up different profiles today and feeling kind of like I hadn’t done enough in life or with my life. Funny how that works. Comparison, the thief of contentment.

The gospel last Sunday was about the parable of the workers in the Vineyard, they all got paid the same wage at the end of the day and the workers who started work first felt cheated. Mathew 20:1-16

I feel cheated sometimes. I don’t have all the things I hoped to have.

I don’t have all the skills other people have. I don’t have all the money, prestige, acknowledgment some people have. I can feel sorry for myself sometimes and start to ask why? Why?

It seems to me we all have different jobs that Jesus wants us to accomplish and God will give us what we need to accomplish them regardless of whether or not we love Him. There are numerous examples of that in the Old Testament and the New Testament, the rain falls on the just and the unjust. Mathew 5:45

Sometimes the rain is good and needed and sometimes the rain creates havoc, crazy unpredictable storms or roads we have to drive down in order to get back home, but they can be slippery and dangerous and scary.

Lately, at least for me, the latter seems to be happening, although we seem to currently be in a calm patch.

Three years ago that wasn’t the case. Two week ago, September 19th, was my Dad’s anniversary of heading home. Three years and still like yesterday. All we were able to do was talk to him on video phone and then one night without any warning, we couldn’t talk to him any more. My Dad was beloved. My Dad loved God. My Dad loved his family and we tried so hard to be there with him but our government set in place restrictions that didn’t allow it. When my Dad was within minutes of death my mom, brother and pastor were allowed to be with him, so much rain, a downpour and since that day I have been wondering how someone like my Dad, a good man with a loving family ended up in a hospital alone, with no one to hold his hand or advocate for him, feed him ice chips, pray with him, comfort him. My family and I were cheated out of time with Dad during what would be his final days. 7 days, 2:00AM phone calls telling me things were going wrong, facetime chats with doctors and nurses. Reading his advanced health directive to my brother and sister at 2 in the morning, in the end it didn’t matter, the choice was made for us, an act of mercy.

The government imposed restrictions continued after his death, mourning him in a traditional manner with family in a church was against the rules. We sat in a church built for 900 people, but only 10 were allowed, with masks, and had my Dad’s funeral Mass. His oldest two grand-children were not allowed. The cemetery was a little more open since it was outside and we were told we could be there for 30 minutes. Later I helped my Mom pick out their gravestone, it was so hard, it was so very hard.

The parable about the vineyard speaks to me of the enormous mercy and love that God has for all his people. We can not comprehend the mind of God. 1Corinthians 2:11 We can’t understand his ways.

In the time that followed my Dad’s passing it gave me great comfort to attend daily Mass. We were still teaching and learning from home so every morning I got up, got dressed and went to Mass. There was no place else for me to go. I think I sort of understood what Peter meant. (John 6:68)

When we would say the Our Father most mornings, when we got to “Give us this day” it would feel like someone was holding my hand, my hand felt warm and heavy, like it does when someone is holding it, and I thought for awhile it was my Dad. I realized a year later it probably wasn’t my Dad. My guess is it was Jesus, always by my side, ever present and true. Funny how slow we are to see Jesus in our lives. When I sat quietly and thought about it I could see all the ways Jesus was there and I know my Dad wasn’t all alone even though our government said his family couldn’t be there. That brings me comfort, in a way. I know it was never it God’s plan for my Dad to die and I don’t blame God for any of it but oh how I wish somedays he was still here sitting in his chair in the morning when I would stop by, drinking coffee with my mom and sharing some news story with us or complaining about his water bill or taxes.

I guess this turned out to be mostly about my Dad and not teaching, it’s been awhile since I’ve written. I’ve kind of been hiding out I guess. Two years after my Dad died, our good friend Hector passed away, then my Dad’s sister, the family matriarch, we were with her as much as we could be, prayed with her and held her hand, tried to comfort her and gave her ice chips and then Great-Grandma, we were holding her hands and praying when she took her last breaths. They all passed within a month of each other and so close to the anniversary of my Dad’s passing, it was hard, so very hard.

I am glad, most days, that I decided to become a teacher. I get a chance every day to model God’s love for the kids, even if they don’t see it, understand it or know it. I get a chance to help them learn a science that I love, that I see God’s mind in, complicated and intricate.

In our letter today Paul told us to “complete my joy by being of the same mind, with the same love, united in heart, thinking one thing. Do nothing out of selfishness or out of vainglory; rather, humbly regard others as more important than yourselves, each looking out not for his own interests, but also for those of others. Have in you the same attitude that is also in Christ Jesus.” Phil 2:1-5

I will try to do these things and when I find myself jealous of what others have or who others are or where others are able to go, I’ll remember all I ever need to aspire to be is like Jesus, as Father Brian said today, “nothing else matters.”

As for my friends and family who’ve moved on, “I look forward to the resurrection of the the dead, and the life of the world to come.”

For Jesus…I Give Thanks!

We did run this week, not very far but enjoyed some time up at the lake not far from our house. We are currently very slow, still rebuilding, I guess in more ways than one.

KOR

Today’s readings were about prayer.

Which is interesting because I’ve been doing a bible study and I’m stuck on the prayer chapter.

It’s not because I find it difficult to pray. It’s because I find it difficult to sit down and find time to study. There always seems to be something else to do or maybe I find things to do?

Hmmm, in all actuality I probably waste an hour or two a day on different things when I should be learning my music or studying.

I was talking to my husband about prayer last week and I was telling him all the different ways I try to pray during the day.

Usually, I don’t get out of bed without saying a prayer. On my drive to school I like to listen to Alistar Begg. He’s a Protestant preacher, who actually is probably pretty Anti–Catholic but I’m not real sure why as for all intents and purposes he sounds like a Catholic, who knows?

If I don’t listen to Alistar then I like to listen to a motivational speaker like Joel Osteen or Joyce Meyer. I know, I know, many people call them prosperity preachers and maybe they are but they are also very good at reminding people that God actually loves us and isn’t just sitting up there counting all our sins.

I think Catholics can forget this sometimes and get wrapped up in rules and roles and forget that the God of the universe died for us. Our sins are already forgiven, we are already saved, the price was paid 2000 years ago on a cross. There is no number of Hail Marys or Our Fathers that will change what already is, we are forgiven.

We can strive for perfection but we will never achieve it, it is impossible to achieve apart from God. We will never be in a state of perfect grace until we are home. People like Joel and Joyce remind me that God is loving and kind, that I am His daughter and that He looks at me lovingly.

My Catholic faith teaches me that I can and should ask for forgiveness often through the sacrament of reconciliation. God’s forgiveness is a freely offered gift. Joel and Joyce remind me that I shouldn’t be afraid to ask for forgiveness because our God is a loving, kind and compassionate God, who has already given it to us, though we don’t deserve it and can not earn it.

So, I was thinking I really should pray before I start class everyday but I’m usually in such a rush I don’t think to do it. We do pray most days before we leave our house and I do ask God to watch over the students at my school and our daughter’s school as well as the teachers. I do pray for my students that I know are having trouble. I care very much about them and their lives. We do pray also for our family and friends.

Anyway, today was an interesting sermon because it got me thinking about where else I could add prayer. Father James said to pray persistently. He talked about a Saint called Katharine Drexel. She was known as the woman who prayed all the time by the Native Americans she helped. She also helped fund and found Xavier University, a historically African American and Catholic University in Louisiana. Father James said St. Katherine prayed persistently.

I think our lives are supposed to be prayers. I think if you live your daily life with God foremost in your heart and mind each day of our life can be an offering of prayer. Talking to God, our Father throughout the day, chatting with Him while we drive or do chores, out loud or in our heart. Asking Him what we should do in our day. Asking Him to help us hear and see Him daily. For me, that’s what it means to pray persistently.

I have a ways to go but I am ever so thankful for God’s love and the ability to reach out to him at any time and ask for His help and guidance. He is always there ready to listen. You don’t have to go looking for Him. You don’t have to take a spiritual journey to India to find Him. You don’t have to be reincarnated until you’re perfect. You can’t find Him in the majesty of the mountains or the vastness of the sea. He dwells in you and me. He’s right here everyday, right next to us, near us, with us, in us, waiting to hear from us.

I read somewhere that with a lot of other religions you have to go looking for God. Christianity teaches the exact opposite. God comes looking for us. He wants every single one of His sheep with Him and He will go out and find you, call you, run to you. He is in the quiet. Prayer allows us to hear Him and build a relationship with Him. He waits for us in heaven, our ultimate home.

I hope to remember this every day of my life and I hope on days I don’t, I will hear Him call me back to Him.

Today for prayer…I Give Thanks!

KOR!

Here’s another favorite song of mine…Oh that I could have His Eyes

Give Me Your Eyes

Today is another track day.  We ran this morning.  I like running in the cool air 🙂  Fortunately for us we have this weirdish weather pattern hanging around making it cooler than usual for this time of year.

Yesterday was our daughter’s last day of school.  We are both always happy and a little sad.  It can be sad to leave a comfortable routine.  It can be sad to know you won’t see the people you’ve gotten used to seeing everyday for at least a little while.  On the flip side, it is actually nice sometimes to not have a schedule and to have the chance to do some different things.  We get to spend more time together and we enjoy going to the water park, the library, helping at VBS, horseback riding, and just spending time at home.  I really enjoy spending my summers with our daughter.  I am grateful for my teaching schedule.  I am home almost every afternoon in time to pick her up from school and our vacation times are similar.

Time passes by quickly and slowly, its a weird thing.

So an evening has passed since I first started this post.

It’s Friday now.

I want to make some oatmeal chocolate chip cookies for my neighbor.  His name is Bob and he has recently lost his wife, pets and now his daughter is selling his house.  He doesn’t like it.

It’s like three months later now.  Bob’s house was sold and is now a rental.  Our daughter has started 7th grade.  She seems to mostly enjoy.

Track season ended and she started cross country.  She placed 3rd in the district she ran in for JV at their all city finals.  She also had a PR, which was great!

Time is still moving slowly and quickly.

My birthday is tomorrow.

Today for being home early enough to do a few chores and make dinner, the good people our daughter has in her life, and so many other things, one of them being, finally finishing this blog!  For these things…I Give Thanks!

KOR!

Today I am thankful for time with my daughter and husband after work.

We went to track practice, stopped at the Farmer’s Market and got some berries! Yum!

We had some fish tacos and sat at my second favorite table.

It was a nice way to end the day.

The first part of the day also started off nicely. My 3rd period class was a challenge today. One of my students tossed a gold chain that belonged to another student up on top of the roof of our Science/History/Language Building. Yes, you read that right. So in the middle of trying to get the final done, notebooks graded and late work addressed I also had to try to keep the two from killing each other.

End of the year, always seems to be some crazy thing. At least it’s not like two years ago when some parents kept threatening to file a complaint against me to the school board. Their daughter had cheated and was caught. I told them to go ahead. A day later they sent an email asking if there was anyway we could work anything out. End of school year = crazy.

Tomorrow is the last day of finals and then I’ll post grades and will be done for the summer!

Oh, I’m also thankful for yogurt! Especially, Fage 0% Greek yogurt. I’ll slice up the fresh berries we just bought, add sliced almonds, walnuts and honey, Yum! Looking forward to that for breakfast in the morning.

So today for time with people I love, the end of the school year (it’s time for a break), and yogurt, LOL! I Give Thanks!

KOR!

It was a good day:-)

Today I’m thankful for a great lunch spent with family for Mother’s Day, for the opportunity to live so close to so many people I love, for hearing from Samantha, my daughter in Australia, for my husband and his steadfastness in the face of my chaos, for sweets, for my daughter here, for my baby girl in heaven, for my God-Children, for God’s everlasting love, I read this yesterday:

Jesus said:
“My sheep hear my voice;
I know them, and they follow me.
I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish.
No one can take them out of my hand.
My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all,
and no one can take them out of the Father’s hand.
The Father and I are one.”

I LOVE, “No one can take them out of my hand.”

It brings me comfort and certainty in a world full of uncertainty, chaos and divisiveness…

For all these things…I Give Thanks!

KOR!

Here’s a picture from my Mother’s Day Hike, it was beautiful!

God always seem to know when I need a little pick me up:-)

I’ve been sick and not running which for me can lead to blue.

Anyway, we came out to the Farmers Market to get some strawberries and cherries and I was meh…

Until I heard, “Look who’s here?”

I looked up and it was my brother, his wife and the babies, who are also our God-Children.

How can you be blue after that?

We walked down the street a little with them and then we saw an old friend listening to the band. There’s almost always a band. It was nice to see she was doing well after missing her last year.

We got out berries, cherries and a few other items and on walking back through the music circle my husband grabbed my hand and asked me for a dance, which was very sweet. It was a song about a cowboy and a city girl. I love to dance with him.

So I’m feeling better now, just the edges are blue…

Today for Farmer’s Markets, the first cherries of the season, our God-Children, who make me smile, my daughter, who I also danced with, oh and Ramen, very yummy…I Give Thanks!

KOR!

I’ve been grumpy lately. I’ve been sick. I have an advanced Chemistry class of 8 and six of them have D’s or F’s. It’s ridiculous. They have had plenty of opportunities to improve their grade. One student said he just didn’t care and told his counselor he was taking the F, not even going to try. It’s kept me awake at night and actually I’m pretty sure that’s why I’m sick. Sigh…

I did however get a sweet note from a student today in an Honors class. He said Thank You. It was nice to read, so I’ll focus on that. I could go on a tirade about student entitlement, apathy, phone addiction, the list goes on but instead I think I’ll end my grumpy streak with gratitude for my students that do care and do want to do better. They are few and far between these days but I am thankful for them and I learn from them. In fact, just the other day I learned that if I say “Deuces,” while holding my hand sideways with a peace symbol , that means I am leaving wherever it is that I am…

Hoping that in exchange they learned that Keq can give us a lot of info on an Equilibrium Reaction, which is really just a reaction that has reached its “chill” in their language.

Today for sweet notes and feeling just the tiniest bit better…I Give Thanks!

KOR