My friend Becky…

In 1998 I walked into room 67 at Hoover High School and I met a woman named Becky Shiner.  I was a third-year teacher and thought I knew everything I needed to know.  I didn’t know it then but she would become my mentor and more importantly my friend, a person I grew to love and admire deeply.  

There were many times when I would watch Becky set up a lab or do something for a class and I would think, I’m going to do it my way, only to come back in between classes to ask her, so how did you do that? Because my way had utterly failed and I realized the brilliance that was Becky. Luckily, she was patient and never made fun of me when I figured out she knew better. Even today at Hoover High School her labs and lessons are still used to teach the students about Chemistry and Oceanography…another subject she loved 

I would come to school in the morning and I would hear her calling my name, “Deb…” and she’d share a piece of information or some funny or frustrating thing that happened at school or in life. She would give me a hug hello after every weekend when we were back together on Monday. I will miss her hugs.

Once she went to Hawaii for a visit, imagine my surprise when a coconut with postage on it, showed up for me in the front office.  She had mailed me a coconut from Hawaii.  “Deb…did you get the coconut?” She asked when she called me after getting back, “Yes, Becky, I got the coconut! “Oh good, they let you mail them from Hawaii, I’m so glad it got there.” I was too, it’s still in my classroom and kids ask about it all the time.   There are so many things around our classroom and back storage area that literally were written by Becky or written on by Becky…

Becky always had nail polish in her back desk drawer. Often I’d come in to see her polishing her nails in the morning. I always thought it was a funny thing because it was just gonna come off again, if you taught chemistry you’d know what I mean, but there she would be polishing them again in the morning the next day 

Becky loved her husband Jaxson, and at the beginning of every school year she would always be so excited to receive the beautiful roses he would send her on the first day of the new school year.  She also enjoyed Valentines Day and would happily share the funny and sweet cards she would get from him and the ones she got for him.

Becky loved to talk about her boys. When I first arrived Jack was a student at Hoover and Sean would run around the back area here and there usually playing with Lego’s.  It was fun to listen to her share about her family and watch the boys grow up through the years.  She was always so proud of them, even when the Spanish teacher stopped  by again after school to complain that Jack  was visiting too much in class with his buddies.  Years later she would always laugh when she would proudly say and now he’s completely fluent in Spanish. She loved to talk about Sean and his choir recitals, and some days she would run into my room shouting,  “I’m late Deb, I even set the alarm”,  as she rushed out to make it to a swim meet with the snacks in tow. It was fun to watch her get things ready for scouts, both Jack and Sean are Eagle scouts. Once when a Hoover student invited me to an Eagle Scout court she came with me so I would know someone. She loved to share about her grandkids and was always so excited to share when another one was on the way.  She loves her family with all her heart.  

I have so many memories of Becky in my life.  One day at school, I was having a hard time after Jason and I lost our first baby.  We were in her room after a meeting and Becky  asked me if I was ok and I burst into tears telling her it was just so hard and she just rubbed my back and told me it would be ok and sat with me while I cried.  Becky had no clue that no one besides Jason had done that for me. She just let me cry and comforted me.  Four years later she was the first person at school I told our adoption had finally gone through and we hugged and rejoiced together. 

Becky always took the time to talk with our daughter Laina and came to her birthday parties.  When Laina was old enough she invited her to come learn to swim at her house.  Laina learned to swim from Becky and when Becky found out I couldn’t swim either she taught me too. I tried to pay her for the lessons once and she said no, it was something she did to share her talents with others. She also taught me how to make soups and lemon bars and her famous sherbet watermelon cake.  Even after she retired she came to Laina’s cross country meets, track meets and Choir recitals.  She joined us for my birthday parties and invited us to bbqs and swimming at her house at least once or twice a summer. 

At Hoover, she celebrated everyone’s birthday whether they wanted to celebrate it or not.  She helped organize potlucks and gatherings and every year around Christmas we all got a jar of her pomegranate jelly.  I will miss that jelly. She cared deeply about her students and always wanted to make sure she was doing the right thing for them, even if it wasn’t the thing the district thought we should be doing.  She organized trips to elementary schools for her Honors kids and sold candy bars, collected recyclables and other fundraisers when we needed things for the students. She organized trips to Europe and coached swimming.  She served as department chair and lead teacher.  She was always willing to lend a hand, share a lesson or even help organize a lab.  She had a generosity that is rare. 

I last visited with her the week before school started.  I was sitting with her on the couch holding her hand and chatting with Jaxson about family and I mentioned my Dad had passed away during Covid and Becky looked at me and said, “Oh no, I didn’t know, I’m so sorry.”  Even in her illness she was generous, thoughtful and kind.  

I will miss her and I will try everyday to carry the memory of her generosity and love for people all my life.  I love you Becky, always. 

For my friend Becky…I Give Thanks!

My Coconut 🙂 🌴 ❤️

Becky

I went to see my friend Becky yesterday. She has Alzheimer’s and isn’t really eating that much anymore. She is still up and walking around though. She’s in home hospice care now.

One of the best things about Becky was how she was always there to give me a comforting word or piece of advice that was actually useful. Lots of people try to give advice, few people know how to give useful advice, Becky’s advice was always useful.

This was another bad week for my family for reasons I don’t want to share right now. I looked to my mom for comfort but that’s not her gift when she’s worried. I tried another older friend but her idea of comfort is advice, not the good kind. I was thinking Becky would know what to say and do but I was sad because she hasn’t remembered me all year.

Yesterday when we went to see her, her husband told me to share something from school, so I said, “Becky, we made your ice cream this week at school.” She looked up at me mumbled something that I didn’t understand but then she reached out her arms to me and grabbed me to hug me and we just stood there giving each other the longest hug ever. I was so grateful.

Then she walked me over to her couch and we sat down next to each other and she patted my hand and I hers. I talked mostly about school, names of other teachers she might recognize, labs we had been working on in class. We sat next to each other quietly while I patted her back. She talked to me about things in her usual Becky way, I could still see and hear in her voice my friend. After awhile she looked at me and clearly asked for the time. I told her, “5 PM” and just like that she got up and said she had to go….and she started walking around her home again…

Her husband Jaxson moved over to the couch where we were and eventually Becky wandered back over and sat next to him. She kissed his leg and snuggled close while he held her. I watched and realized God was giving me a glimpse of heavenly love in my friends. She fell asleep in his arms and our visit ended so she could get some rest and her husband could hold his wife. We let ourselves out and I could only be grateful for the continued gift that is my friend, Becky.

So today I’m thankful that on a day I needed love and support, my friend was there for me, even without words and even in her illness and even when she has no idea what’s been going on in my life. She still showed her love for me in a way we both understood. Her life continues to have purpose and meaning and she continues to bless others even in this illness. I will remember her hug always and I hope it’s not our last.

For my friend Becky…I Give thanks!

We ran a 2 mile race yesterday, Dala Horse Trot, it was fun and the pancakes were great as usual…

Swedish pancakes
Great little town…